RSS Feed

Tag Archives: Trump

Summer in Anchorage!!!!

Posted on

sky

9:30 pm, Weds 6/6/19 on Anchorage’s Coastal Trail.

Yes it’s finally here.

Everyone is sweating. It was 68 degrees today. People were cranky. Why don’t we have air conditioning?  Why are there so many bugs?

It’s raining now. That’s what happens when you get out of work. It’s 730 pm so the sun could come out at 9 pm like it did last night and people will pop out of their houses  with their dogs, their babies, their cigarettes, bicycles and dancing/drinking clothes.

I was just out walking in the rain and passed a man BBQing chicken wings in the downpour. I complimented him on the smell and was hoping for a taste but his lady friend appeared and I moved on.

The streets clear out in the rain. People run, bike, walk, in the snow but they hide in the rain even after they have been complaining about the heat all day. I was incredibly grateful for the smell and the thunder. I had wanted to go swimming in a lake but the water has not warmed up to the high 40’s yet. I prefer the low 60’s for swimming water but will jump in just about anything that hasn’t crystallized. Also there is lightening.

I haven’t blogged recently because I’ve been obsessing about the possible shortage of avocados.  I grew up avocado-less in Ye olde New England and have been frightened of returning to that state of tasteless ignorance. You could say the potato is the Irish equivalent of an avocado. It tastes good with butter and you can incorporate it into almost any meal. But whereas a potato famine could actually cause death, an avocado shortage causes only an awareness of entitlement which is miserable in a completely different way.  Young people might revolt as they do in hot summer weather but no one will die over an avocado . At least I don’t think so.

We fight about oil, racism, immigration, water, and money but I hope it doesn’t come down to avocados.  There are substitutes for avocados just as there are substitutes for petroleum but no one is really pursuing them. Pureed peas or asparagus make a passing guacamole.  Hummus is good on toast. Ice cream tastes as rich if not as warm.

We white people will live through this, as we have lived through our cold winters and too hot summers, using our wits and our privilege to keep ourselves supplied with food that other people pick for us until those other people decide we are not worth it. Perhaps Trumps tariffs might be a good thing after all.

I have been thinking for a long time that life in Alaska is not environmentally responsible unless one has the skills and time to produce/hunt/fish/pick their own food.  Just the cost of shipping up avocados, cashew milk and ice cream that I consume in bulk makes me an abuser of resources. Then there are my trips of enormous distances by plane.  Maybe I will leave, but not yet. Not while I can have the streets to myself in a summer rain.  We shall see what happens on June 10th!

 

 

Advertisements

Impress your friends with a winter ice cream treat!

Got some friends held hostage by Trump’s demands? Host an ice cream party with your neighbors/community and find out what they need help with! Could be a group temporary loan, some sneakers for their kids or a ride to the doctor or church. Ice cream and commiserating also help if financial resources are unavailable.

Here in Alaska, WE LOVE ICE CREAM! Baked Alaska is basically an imitation of melting permafrost! But have I got a treat for you!  I served it last night after running/jogging a ridiculous 5k in zero degrees. It was such an Alaskan experience. They lent me used Ice Bug shoes to run in, just in case I wanted to purchase some later. Icebugs are shoes with screws in the bottom and they were absolutely outstanding.  I usually just wear strap on spikes but they constrict my shoes and also fall off randomly on bumps.  I am scared to see how much these Icebugs cost but was assured by a friend that they also have a guy at the store who will just drill some spikes into any of my old running shoes.

There was no real group start at the race. People just moseyed off and we followed them hoping we had the right turn around spot since there were only about 20 of us running in the dark. The cocoa and the free tee shirts from runs which happened 10 years ago were appreciated.

Anyway here is the ice cream.

icecream

This is what you do to make it even more delicious. Make some mini pancakes. Put  this delicious ice cream on top and drizzle with maple syrup. You could serve these at a restaurant and charge $8 and people would be loving it. But then I am someone who can eat a pancake anytime of the day.   I guess I would call this a  “Maple Heap”, ( you could even sprinkle chopped up maple sugar soldiers or put a Canadian sugar Maple leaf on top).   Perhaps marketing it as a “Vermont Landscape” – Maples and cows or “Over the River and through the Woods?” How about a classy French name like “Un Miracle Erable?”

The taste is like Christmas morning or Apres Ski in New England.  I don’t recommend it in the summer as it would be too sticky but you could eat it while watching “White Christmas” or “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

If we fed President Trump one of these he would forget about his damn wall for a minute and say, “Outstanding!”   If he ate a couple of gallons he might even pass on to eternity.

We eat lots of ice cream in Alaska because of the fat. I am skinny but I like to have a small roll of fat on my stomach just in case I need to avoid being the first one in a group to freeze to death. I would rather not be cannibalized but if I must be at least let me have something besides bone and sinew for my friends to feed on.

It is refreshingly cold today as well. Minus something. Nothing impressive. Minus twenty is the threshold for no physical exertion if unnecessary.  We are not there yet.  Tomorrow I go back to work from my mini staycation. It has been a great chance to meditate on my post holiday Seasonal affective disorder and my positive response to increased outdoor time and exposure to friends. I highly recommend these to anyone with emotional fatigue. And ice cream!

 

In the Year 2025, if man is still alive..

First Lady Kim Kardashian successfully advocates for butt enhancement to be covered by most health insurance.

The world mourns the death of the most stable genius and oldest U.S. president ever elected. The deceased’s family asks that people wear gold instead of black.

Alaska is officially the most populous State of the Union, due to its temperate weather,  and the fact that most U.S. citizens have found a way to live in Canada.

The last remaining white man in The U. S. Senate is not running for re-election.

Guns now outnumber people five to one in The United States with the aforementioned Alaska leading the pack with an average of 27 guns per person.

Rutabaga is the new Avocado!

The Oreo Cookie brand is struggling after severe backlash following their “Fentanyl Patch” flavor release. Fortune for the brand relies on their two new nostalgic varieties –  “Subbituminous Coal” and “Salted Highway Snow.”

The owners and designers at Title Nine Sportswear have finally begun serving their life sentences for misleading women worldwide that they can be brain surgeons, Olympic athletes and cute single moms all at the same time.

The successful Mary Poppins franchise continues with the opening of “Mary Poppin’s Revenge – The Sarin Gas Umbrella.”

Hope has died for training white police and the legal system to react fairly and calmly towards dark skinned citizens. Today, Congress introduced a bill  requiring quotas of wealthy white men be met in the prison population before any other ethnic group member be incarcerated.  A subsequent boost in Ancestry.com stock has occurred  as thousands of people under investigation attempt to find their as yet undocumented African roots.

 

 

 

 

Trump & Pumpkin Spice – a holiday voter conspiracy?

pump1

The purchase of this aberration correlates and may actually cause voters to believe in and vote for Trump. Is it something in pumpkin? NO! As we all learned in grade school there is no pumpkin in Pumpkin Spiced anything. Pumpkin Spice is instead the very old fashioned mix of allspice, cinnamon and cloves which makes people think of their grandmother’s kitchen and how everything was better in the old days. The sad thing is that a child would never add allspice or cloves to their food, as it would be similar to eating potpourri or bath salts. Coincidence that before the opiate crisis we had the “Spice Crisis?” That bath salts and potpourri were the innocuous labeling under which Spice was sold? How about the idea that almost everything sold at a Trump hotel is a “Limited Edition?” Also cereal is the easiest food for an American to eat for breakfast lunch and dinner, besides pizza which is not really American.

sk

More likely it is the kind of mentality that we Americans have about always trying something new and spending money on frivolous items which draws us to Trump and Pumpkin Spice. This is the new renaissance of civilization, one which belongs to The White people of the USA just like Thanksgiving does.   People in the incoming Mexican caravan may have tasted apple pie or a hot dog. They may even put cinnamon in their hot chocolate but they probably have not consumed pumpkin spice cereal. In due time Pumpkin Spice will be integrated into citizenship tests.

ff.jpg

New voters are being manufactured everyday. What kind of parent would feed these frosted flakes to their children? A Republican, that’s who! The key to this conspiracy is that Pumpkin Spiced products always come out just before November elections.  They were in their infancy in the Obama days and I daresay they do not go very well with cigarettes or with Michelle’s propensity for healthy eating. These products were not created to take over the world but they have morphed into a polarizing force in our country. Either you love them or you hate them. And if you hate them you are probably not American enough.

My warning to you is to avoid purchasing such items until after elections and consider the presence of Pumpkin Spiced products on the shelves of your neighbors as similar to bags of cocaine or framed photos of The First Family. Do not directly challenge these neighbors but instead ask them to brunch at your own home. There you can introduce them to Matcha Tea, Marijuana Gummies or whatever flavor of Kombucha you prefer.  It is always graceful to meet people halfway so have some cinnamon, allspice and cloves on hand. Good luck in your fight to end this plague. Remember this Thanksgiving, you can always make a pumpkin pie bourbon flavored instead.

 

A Preview of Trump’s trip to France

“It should be a very beautiful period of time, the 100th anniversary of the ending of World War I. We have many countries — the leadership from many countries will be there, especially since they heard the United States will be there. And we look forward to that,” Trump told reporters Friday before leaving the White House. “I’ve seen what they have planned, and I think it’s going to be something very, very special.” ( http://www.pbs.org)

And so it begins. Mr. Donald Trump, our current dictator, is the opposite of a vampire as He sees only his reflection in every person he meets, remark he hears and place he visits. Thus it took only a bit of jet lag to label his host’s ideas about a European army, “Very Insulting.” The French may be mad to suggest wasting money to arm themselves against the most armed nation of the world but one must admit France’s leader is clever to know how Trump would take this and almost any other remark personally.

Experts have spent a little time and thought predicting other reactions Trump might have during the upcoming visit.

On visiting WWI battlefields:

” I know that the souls who died here are happy to see me and silently applauding  my efforts to make America as great again as it was in that time when we saved the world. Especially the beautiful nurses, they were beautiful. Why can’t nurses dress like that again instead of wearing formless scrubs? Why can’t they show a little leg? Am I wrong here?

On avoiding the peace talks:

“Melania and I have chosen to use our time more wisely and visit Disney Paris which is a American emblem of Magic and Peace.  The “Fake Peace talks” are for stupid people who think you can talk about peace without me. Instead, we will be dining at Café Mickey in the company of Disney royalty – Goofy, America’s most effective ambassador and  King Louie of The Jungle Book, who is a very interested in learning about fire from me.”

On French food and restaurants:

“The food here is not very fast, very slow. America is much faster at food.  I don’t eat salad but the waiters kept harping at me “t’es un salaud.” And they constantly hard sell some little duck dish. Every time its “t’es rien qu’un petit connard.” If I want duck, I want a big American duck!”

On visiting The Louvre:

“The art here is just great, very moving, very beautiful. I was impressed by how the female body has always been an object of desire. It’s a very natural thing for men to come here to have a good long look at some beautiful women.  Call me crazy but I think the ladies in these paintings were happy to see me too. The Mona Lisa was definitely smiling at me. Really, she gave me a look. I would love to spend some time with her after hours. “

 

But even as the experts guess, Mr. Trump is sure to surprise us with  statements which will make every American visitor after him seem more kind, intelligent and respectful. Thank you for your service!

Steve Sack  Copyright 2017 Cagle Cartoons

(From TheWeek.com)

 

On living to be as old as my mother did

Samhain or Halloween is a time of transition from one year to another in the pagan calendar. Spirits rise and snow falls, at least here in Anchorage. I just had a landmark birthday in that I have lived to the age my mother died.  My life has been unlike my mother’s. I have not married or had children. I am unlikely to die this year. Yet I am stung by the awareness available to me given both my distance from her experience and my similarity in age and temperament.

I spent most of my life trying not to become as trapped as she felt. Instead of resenting commitments, I have learned to take more time in making the choice to commit and to treasure moments of uncommitted time each day or night when I share her somewhat common inability to rest. Like her, I have a mess of books aside my bed where I can escape to a world where I do not exist but where I have the freedom to love and fear on a grand scale.

My mother and I shared a love for William Shatner. She would watch TJ Hooker and I would watch Star Trek. This week at work I searched YouTube for an old horror movie to show the folks. We wound up watching “Valley of the Spiders” with Shatner in the role of a veterinary doctor up against an army of eight-legged adversaries. The film was dated enough not to scare the pants off sensitive viewers but contained just enough scares that people chose to be late to dinner in order to catch the ending.

I work at a long-term care nursing facility. Most everyone there feels trapped. Some are trapped by life and some by death. My job is not just to distract them from this feeling but to encourage appreciation of their choices. These facilities used to be called “nursing homes” but they were rebranded because no matter how hard we try they are more like hospitals than homes.

There is a revolution coming in this area. The members of my generation will lead it demanding a different kind of care that does not include being trapped in a regimen of vital signs every few hours and thickened liquids.  These are small efforts to prolong life that few people appreciate. Life and death are vital concepts in my work. What constitutes a life? Is lying in bed all day okay? Can institutionalization be lessened by surprise and humor? Could singing be one of the best therapeutic interventions ever? Can it be fun to laugh at death?  That’s what Halloween is about. This year the residents have chosen to host a Haunted House with a Hospital Room and a Graveyard.

mts

Winter in Alaska arrived just this week. The mountains wear their white hair proudly. The snow has fallen only lightly in the lowlands but it’s cold enough to discourage a sexy  Halloween outfit. I’ve connected with friends and family in the last week and remembered how full of life my mother was until she was not.  She was a lover of Halloween, The Fourth of July, of Christmas and of Sunday dinners.  I continue her tradition by making up as many holidays as I can. I resist the promotional “National Bubble Gum”, “International Chocolate Brownie”, and “Salute your Soldier” Days to make each day a celebration that is not dictated but becomes itself.

The First Day of Snow is a natural one for most people I know and there is much walking around the town. The Day of the Most Mistakes is one that usually falls on Saturday, the end of my work week. The Day of Deliciousness coincides with the cooking group and The Luckiest Day of the Week is the day on which the Bingo game is held. I dress up for all of them, wearing a fancy apron or a silly hat. There may be many logical reasons to fear the darkness of winter, the upcoming election or the result of a medical test but there is also my mother’s way.  My fondest memory of her illness is when she explained from her hospital bed that she had made a week’s worth of soup for us and it was in the fridge. I hear this now from other women who are losing what we call “reality orientation” but in truth they have located their most important reality, the ability to show love and hospitality.

Everyday will have a new guest knocking at the door. It may be winter, a giant dinosaur, a new roommate or a death.  The treat may be candy or a bowl of soup. My mother is with me now as I write this thinking of chocolate and what it means to be a young at heart elder floating in eternity, grounded only in hospitality and humor.

Here is a funny costume I saw today.

billion

Happy Halloween!

Take a bite out of Trump-cake

Wanted to share this Halloween treat hack with you in time for weekend parties. This is my effort to get out the vote in the sweetest way possible. Top your cupcakes with an upside down candy pumpkin add some eyeballs and a smush of yellow frosting and you will have your own “Take a Bite Outta Trump-Cake”

Trumpcake

Obviously, I am not the best decorator so if you create a successful rendition of this cupcake, would you mind taking a photo and adding it to the comments? I would love to see them.