First Lady Kim Kardashian successfully advocates for butt enhancement to be covered by most health insurance.
The world mourns the death of the most stable genius and oldest U.S. president ever elected. The deceased’s family asks that people wear gold instead of black.
Alaska is officially the most populous State of the Union, due to its temperate weather, and the fact that most U.S. citizens have found a way to live in Canada.
The last remaining white man in The U. S. Senate is not running for re-election.
Guns now outnumber people five to one in The United States with the aforementioned Alaska leading the pack with an average of 27 guns per person.
Rutabaga is the new Avocado!
The Oreo Cookie brand is struggling after severe backlash following their “Fentanyl Patch” flavor release. Fortune for the brand relies on their two new nostalgic varieties – “Subbituminous Coal” and “Salted Highway Snow.”
The owners and designers at Title Nine Sportswear have finally begun serving their life sentences for misleading women worldwide that they can be brain surgeons, Olympic athletes and cute single moms all at the same time.
The successful Mary Poppins franchise continues with the opening of “Mary Poppin’s Revenge – The Sarin Gas Umbrella.”
Hope has died for training white police and the legal system to react fairly and calmly towards dark skinned citizens. Today, Congress introduced a bill requiring quotas of wealthy white men be met in the prison population before any other ethnic group member be incarcerated. A subsequent boost in Ancestry.com stock has occurred as thousands of people under investigation attempt to find their as yet undocumented African roots.