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In the Year 2025, if man is still alive..

First Lady Kim Kardashian successfully advocates for butt enhancement to be covered by most health insurance.

The world mourns the death of the most stable genius and oldest U.S. president ever elected. The deceased’s family asks that people wear gold instead of black.

Alaska is officially the most populous State of the Union, due to its temperate weather,  and the fact that most U.S. citizens have found a way to live in Canada.

The last remaining white man in The U. S. Senate is not running for re-election.

Guns now outnumber people five to one in The United States with the aforementioned Alaska leading the pack with an average of 27 guns per person.

Rutabaga is the new Avocado!

The Oreo Cookie brand is struggling after severe backlash following their “Fentanyl Patch” flavor release. Fortune for the brand relies on their two new nostalgic varieties –  “Subbituminous Coal” and “Salted Highway Snow.”

The owners and designers at Title Nine Sportswear have finally begun serving their life sentences for misleading women worldwide that they can be brain surgeons, Olympic athletes and cute single moms all at the same time.

The successful Mary Poppins franchise continues with the opening of “Mary Poppin’s Revenge – The Sarin Gas Umbrella.”

Hope has died for training white police and the legal system to react fairly and calmly towards dark skinned citizens. Today, Congress introduced a bill  requiring quotas of wealthy white men be met in the prison population before any other ethnic group member be incarcerated.  A subsequent boost in stock has occurred  as thousands of people under investigation attempt to find their as yet undocumented African roots.





How’d’ya like those berries?



Just a short anecdote this evening. It’s been raining most of the day and I took advantage of some rainless minutes to walk a few blocks over to the yellow raspberry bushes. They grow on the road, in what looks to be a public easement but they have been blocked by a truck the last few times I’ve tried to snag a few.

Again there was the truck. I sat on my haunches by the exhaust pipe and grabbed a few for my breakfast cereal. They’re delicious and will go bad quicker in the rain. Might as well get a few more I thought reaching in.

As I got up,  a woman opened the door of a truck parked a few feet away and asked,  “What are you doing?”

Her voice was not of someone berating me for stealing berries. It carried fear.  It was then I felt sad.  I am a big strong person, over  six foot two in my running shoes, wearing a man’s jacket and a crazy hat. I have very white, very long, strong legs. I scared another human being who thought I was up to no good.

I showed her my berries.  There was a small chance she would say, “Those aren’t yours, shame on you,” because when I turned, she saw I was an “old” woman.  I’m only in my fifties but I have white hair and wrinkles and she was no more than thirty with dark skin.  She apologized many times, with notes of sadness, shame and confusion as she realized she had perhaps caused insult to another person.

I also said too many “I’m sorry’s.”  I told her she was being a good neighbor and introduced myself. We shook hands and I left thinking of the dark skinned boys and men who must think before they act. I thought about the fear a strange man might inflict  upon a woman of any race.   I felt the awkwardness of my doing weird things. I felt the weight of my white privilege and had no appetite for the berries. Perhaps tomorrow.

What to get America for her birthday this 4th of July

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  1. Help I’ve fallen and I can’t get up Life Alert. Is it codependent to pick up a rogue nation?
  2. Dried fruit/nut pack or flowers featuring only items picked by American citizens. This is a pricey limited selection item.
  3. Family tree/genealogy kit to trace immigrants in her family and remove them.
  4. Gift certificate to a restaurant/hotel that does not feature “foreign” food or hire people who can’t speak English.  This is another rare commodity. Good luck.
  5. Support hose for all those protests which will be happening in the near future when Roe vs Wade falls.
  6. A Supreme Court Justice who has not become a judge in order to “rule” but in order to listen, research and change laws which are unfair to the poor and oppressed.
  7. Dark chocolate, but not so dark that it might be suspicious.
  8. Cordless 5x LED Vanity mirror so she can see what she really looks like without her makeup on.
  9. Neighborhoods where we know our neighbors names better than we know those of The Transformers.
  10. Humility

Oh you may have noticed that this is a satire from the state of Alaska which is in no way not part of America