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Tag Archives: pop culture

What to do about The President

Just for a change, I’m going to give you the title of this painting—The Princess picking lice from the Troll—because I don’t think that knowing what it’s about will be too much of a limitation. Why a princess is sitting in a darkened room picking lice out of a troll’s fur is up to you. […]

via Sunday Strange microfiction challenge — Jane Dougherty Writes

 

My response:

You’re so vain. Let’s give up this charade. Not that shaving your head will help your brain but it may improve your image and that’s what you care about isn’t it? I understand that you can’t trust anyone but your family to help you rule but what if you actually hired a competent hairdresser? Is that too much to ask? It’s hard being a princess these days and I could use a tiny office in The White House to get my thoughts together. Just think about it.

Another idea. Maybe if you didn’t mess around with every person who annoys you, you might not be in such a tangle. You’re coming across as a troll, up all night monitoring the net for fake news. The more you lie to combat perceived slights, the more wild your hair gets. Every evening it takes me a longer time to straighten you out. Pretty soon, it will be beyond me.

Did you ever see the play “Bloody, Bloody Andrew Jackson?” I highly recommend it. Meanwhile, can we do this somewhere besides your dungeon? It smells of Democrats down here.

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Closing up The Halloween Store and other spooky adventures

I have been blessed and spooked by my temp job at The Halloween store.

My first observation – My God! What kind of world do I live in? There is absolutely nothing anyone needs to buy in this store and yet people are. I bought my fair share today on 50% off day.

Want to know what people got? Rick Grimes. I have never seen Walking Dead and probably never will but I know what he wears.

rick

I wish I had come up with that caption but I am too uninformed.

Most asked question:  Do you have the mask from  (fill in  comic  book/horror film/cosplay which I ( the writer) have never heard of). Describe it as a kind of a white mask.  My answer to this is, ” I heard they have him at Hot Topic downstairs.”

Oh another most asked question, “Does my butt hang out of the back of this, ( fill in your choice of nurse, soldier, convict, policewoman, first mate outfit)?”  My answer: “You can wear leggings.”

Scariest question: ” Do you have a Slender Man costume?”

Looks like me and my father

Looks like me and my father

What did I buy? I bought only things I could wear on a regular basis such as some lovely red dalek knee socks and a waist cincher that turns any skirt into a pirate/peasant/hippie dress.  I also got a Pirate over the shoulder bag which will be my new go to bag for when I just want to carry my id and a key while riding my bike or on board a leaky boat, (it’s 100% plastic, thus waterproof.)  I dressed in my own private pirate wear for Halloween. One of the basic pieces is a pair of bright red balloon pants I got in Paris.  Some times people are confused because it is not the sexiest of pirate looks. I tell them that middle aged pirates are meaner.

 

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The hair scares young people to death!

I got some funny items to use for dramatherapy which is another one of my work identities. These  costumes are silly so that individuals and families can have fun with their issues. They are easy to characterize and don’t take much fit. Best of all they were free discontinued items such as The Annoying Orange, and Framed art work into which you can put your own head such as a self portrait of Van Gogh and American Gothic.

I made my own costume for a party I went to.  I tried to think of the thing most everyone  fears the most. Gluten. I wore all tan, drew on an eye mask, taped the  title “Gluten girl” on my tee shirt, used an old sheet for a cape, wore brown stockings and carried a loaf of bread.   Two people immediately announced that they were Celiac  ( about 1 in one hundred are) and the majority of the rest admitted they were gluten intolerant.  It wound up that the minority of people at this event could actually eat gluten. I persisted in hitting all the gluten haters with my loaf of bread until they laughed.  I could have come as halitosis or herpes and started fewer health related discussions. Gluten freeness is the new Stay Free Mini pad.

I love how I look bloated with carbs here

I love how I look bloated with carbs here

Did I mention I have half a pizza box on my head as a helmet?

Now let’s show you a really scary picture. I was hiking up a mountain with some friends the other day.  It was very misty and we couldn’t see much. We thought the climb would be worth the view on the top but the view was like this.

This was actually the furthest we could see on the whole trip.

This was actually the furthest we could see on the whole trip.

But look what I got a  nice clear shot of.

Clearly droppings from a bear who likes berries

Clearly droppings from a bear who likes berries

On a happier note, The Halloween store provides a bit of joy and laughter to the world. There is an ice rink in the mall where I saw a fine adult skater wearing one of our “Ollie the Ostrich” costumes which makes you look like you are riding on the bird’s back. It made me proud.

Three cheers for goofy people!

Three cheers for goofy people!

Was Noah the first Viking?

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Was not surprised to see “Noah” was already playing at the 2nd run cinema up the street. I was surprised to learn that he was a vegetarian Viking.

Here is Ragnar, the “Noah” of the TV series “Vikings”

Ragnar getting ready to build an ark

Ragnar getting ready to build an ark

 

 

Here is Noah after killing about a thousand people with the help of his rock band

So you had a bad day....

So you had a bad day…..

 

 

Not to belabor the point but doesn’t this guy look like he fell from the same tree?

The God of thunder says it's gonna rain for a long time

The God of thunder says it’s gonna rain for a long time

 

Is it a coincidence or an omen that Anthony Hopkins is in both Thor and Noah?

What movie am I in now?

What movie am I in now?

 

ah, this is the movie where I like berries!

ah, this is the movie where I like berries!

 

Then there’s the fraggle rock creatures who are disappointed in the human race but help Noah build the ark because he kind of reminds them of Adam.  I admit, at first I thought they were an entirely fictitious departure from the biblical text until I saw this.

Thor battling the last of Noah's rock warrior angels

Thor battling the last of Noah’s rock warrior angels

 

If that’s not proof of The Circle of Life then I don’t know what is!  Remember we’re all a little Viking, so  watch yourself around hammers and axes.  If you become obsessed with building a big boat and killing lots of people, you might want to chill.  One thing I did learn from the movie Noah is that vegetarians can be just as dangerous as people who eat meat.

 

 

 

Some silly questions about the Grammys

bee

1.  It’s not called “Mexican Lucky?” That’s how I found it on Youtube!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI1hGShVdBA

2.   Did the Olympics start early? Is this why Pink was doing gymastics rather than singing?

3.  Why does everyone look like they’re suffering so much? My guess is it’s really not as much fun to perform for money as it is for pleasure.

4.  Can Daft  Punk wear their headgear at the airport?

5. I don’t want to be royal or be your queen bee, I just want to be a middle class yellow jacket. I guess that’s not a question, just a comment.

 6. The way people talk about Beyonce, doesn’t it sound like her voice is the last thing on people’s minds?

7.  How come I’m younger than everyone in Black Sabbath, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr by more than a decade yet my hair is so much greyer?  Isn’t there a line in Photograph –“ as the years go by and we turn old and grey?”

8.  At my age, if I know the lyrics, shouldn’t the song be excluded from the new artists category?

9. I like how Madonna chose a lilac girdle, fitting a woman of my age. Will the Norwegian Curling Team be following this trend?

10.  When someone says “I feel it in my bones”, do you think radioactive or  arthritis?

11.  Don’t Christmas lights on tuxedos and cowboy boots remind you of disco?

12. I was so impressed that Taylor Swift played the piano as well as sang. Does that mean that my expectations for musicianship have sunk lower than the Grammy’s?

13. Reverend Moon, wouldn’t he have been proud?

Why I like being Darth Vader

  Did you take that Star Wars quiz on Facebook? Admit it, you’ld rather take a projective test like this than go to a therapist.   I won the grand prize – Darth Vader-dom!

Here’s why.

  1.    Pleased with shiny things like a polished black helmet

2.         Enjoy hearing myself breathe

3.       Not a lot of lines to memorize because the cape does the talking

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4.       Like my chocolate on the dark side

5.         Have fun promenading around with the other Sith Lords

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6.     The remote is right on my chest – don’t get grabby!

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7.      Meaner than Springsteen on the mouth organ

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8.        TSA misses light saber every time

9.   .     Get to hang with The Terminator at Evil Villain Meet Ups

10.     Better looking as  I age

monthlong travel stats for average middle class amercan traveler -me

I am anime!

I am anime!

Number of trips to or from an airport:  9 , (3 by car, 6 by mega coach bus or public transport

Number of trips to Dunkin Donuts: 4 ( 3 raspberry lime coladas, 3 chocolate glazed and one lemonade donut)

Number of cars rented: 2 ( one economy and one BMW convertible ( a SUPER upgrade)

Number of times driven around The Gare de Lyon  in order to find the rental car return:  6

Amount of roadkill produced : 0, unless you count cicadas

Number of Cicadas which rose from the dead in our car:  1

Number of languages spoken:  2 (French and English, did not attempt Icelandic)

Number of family members visited:  6

Number of knock down drag out fights :0 ( a big thank you to my therapist and my patient family)

Number of French pattisseries visited: countless

Number of long walks/hikes:  equal to the number of pattisseries

Word heard most often in France, besides “bonjour”:   ” Interdites!”

Number of times young men were observed performing acrobatic tricks to Macklemore and Ryan’s “Thrift Shop” in a Paris Metro car:  2

Number of songs made up with friends and family about wild boars:  1

Number of trips to the pharmacy for festering wounds:  3

number of  parks broken into late at night at the instigation of my sister Beth: 1

Number of worker’s cooperative cafes eaten in, at the instigation of my sister Beth:  1

Number of times my hair was fashioned  like someone in Japanese Manga by my sister Beth: 1

Number of “muns” or “man bun” hairdos observed : over 25

Number of times people pretended to find a gold ring and sell it to me on the same bridge: 2

Number of times that floating vomit interfered with our plans to swim:  1

Photos to illustrate these statistics will follow at a later date!

Nerd Alert! Nerd Alert – All personnel report to battle stations!

 
Doctor! Doctor?

I can not help that I am a nerd. I went on vacation to Los Angeles and instead of coming back with new shoes or a dress I came back with STUCK ON STAR TREK. This is essentially a colorforms book with which you can recreate scenes from episodes or create new ones. I have chosen the latter as I am terrible with details. I can’t even find my camera so bear with me and my cell phone.

.Doctor! Doctor?

What is the Doctor really made of?

It’s secretary’s day and Jim forgot to get The Gorn flowers. At the last minute, Kirk gives him a potted plant which does not appease him. The Gorn reverts to his former self before he went to finishing school. Jim calls The Doctor for backup.  McCoy remembers that he is a doctor, not a fighter, and takes the elevator to anywhere else but here. When Spock finds out he makes a bowl of jello for The Doctor and equates McCoy to that very substance – sweet but insubstantial. McCoy contacts the current Doctor, (the one who wears a cowboy hat), on his communicator and he shows up and takes down Spock with his cosmic screwdriver.

The little bubble from Kirk reads, “Fire”, that from the elevator reads, “I’m a doctor, Jim.”  These come with the kit. I may have to buy some other colorforms products to add to the fun.

Do you know the history of Colorforms? I found it  on http://www. Colorforms.com.

“Harry and Patricia Kislevitz discovered the elegant and simple concepts behind Colorforms’ success – adhesion and repositionability – when a friend who manufactured pocketbooks gave these two art students a roll of flexible paper-thin vinyl. The Kislevitzes discovered that the vinyl stuck to the semi-gloss paint in their bathroom, and began cutting shapes out of the material and placing them on the wall. Having fun with the process, they left extra material and a pair of scissors out for guests to add to their creation. Based on the concept’s success, the Kislevitzes decided to market their idea as a consumer product. Originally targeting other artists and adults, the product quickly became popular with children and the Colorforms brand took hold.”

This is definitely one of those things you want to try at home. Look what else I found on http://www.colorforms.com

"Not for children under 3 years old"

“Not for children under 3 years old”

Yup that’s what it said. Probably because the little glitter gloves could kill them.  Even though there are many tiny tribbles and guns included in my Star Trek set I found no such warning. By the way, it says “there are over 70 reusable character and object “Kling-on stickers” but most of these are tribbles so don’t get too excited.

Episode 2

The Trouble with Tumbleweeds

The Trouble with Tumbleweeds

“Beam me up, Scotty”, cries The Doctor after one too many Jim Beams at the local saloon. The authorities on Delta 9 are attempting to subdue McCoy and Chekov  who are impeding traffic on an interplanetary highway which they, in their drunken stupor, believe is a Western town of Mid -19th century America. Chekov is completely comatose after consuming much Smirnoff and is about to be bopped on the head by a tranquilizing tumbleweed which closely resembles a Tribble. They will soon join Scotty who is frequently in the brig for overindulgence in substances.

It’s too bad you can’t appreciate how lovely these really look. I have not seen a Doctor Who product like this but I would buy one if I could.

Sulu! Put your shirt back on!

Sulu! Put your shirt back on!

Episode 3

Everyone on the deck is taken aback as Sulu  tears off his shirt and pulls out a fencing foil attempting to rip the shirts off his fellow shipmates. Meanwhile, The Enterprise has flown into a cave and is in danger of landing. The Enterprise has never touched the ground before. The ship is actually  allergic to dirt. A bunch of rock eggs are sitting in the back of the cave laughing as if they were Tribbles.

Episode 4

The New Regime

The New Regime

I believe the new Klingon commander is saying “most illogical” (as there were no Klingon captions available). He is  concerned about the new dress code which has emerged since his takeover of The Enterprise.  Suddenly Ohura looks less sexy and more, well, tribbled.  Maybe incorporating Klingon colors into the uniforms was not such a good idea.

I had a good deal of fun with this. It was almost worth the money I spent at Barnes & Noble. Please let me know if you have any interesting colorforms at home. I may have to decorate my bathroom with these to cover all the black mold.