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Spring Forsakenings

Most people look forward to spring. To people with mood issues and to people who live in Anchorage, it’s just another day in Mar a Lago but without the green, the golf and, thank God, the president.

My winter was okay, plenty of cross country skiing and skating, employment, fun. When spring comes to Alaska the winter sports end and the waiting begins. Waiting for summer because spring is a mess just like my head.  This photo sums it up.life.png

This is what snow looks like after the spring plowing exposes it to the light. Layers  of  snowflakes crushed  into prickly ice mixed with months of dirt. That’s what I feel like right now. More like layers of ice cream crushed into bitterness mixed with months of black mood morsels.

Spring cheer is not based on a date or on the return of sunlight. It’s rooted in hope and opportunity.  I like to go on walks but this is what greets me.

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Icy hills North or South are my only alternatives. Deathtrap. Stay inside. Eat. Mope

But if I do I miss the view at the top.

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Or what’s on the other side.

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The little birds are back despite the ice. The geese and gulls are waiting. The actually greening will occur in early May over one short week. Until then I will keep my car plugged in and trudge on.

 

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Want to move to Alaska?

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 Welcome to Alaska – A little ice, some icy snow with quaint ambient lighting

I hear it’s pretty cold everywhere else! Well, I need a new roommate and you only have to share the bathroom with two other people. January is the new April for us in AK. The average temperature is a balmy 30 degrees Fahrenheit.  Not bad for keeping meat fresh in your trunk. It melts a little during the day. You could scrape something like hamburger  and make a patty out of the outside layer while the inner slab of meaty-ness will stay frozen for a long stretch.

If you like to drink we have lots of ice. Lots. 4 to 6 inches thick on my driveway. My roommate and I tried to  use an ice tool on it but we only managed to clear a 20 ‘ x 1’ walkway and then some chunky dings for the other 30 ‘ down so we could practice our ice climbing.

I’m afraid there is no skiing. None of any kind, due to  our preference for ice.   There is some “light” occasionally during the day time, but don’t count on it.  We get fresh fruit and vegetables but that means they were fresh before they got put on the barge a week ago, far, far, away.  Stick with the frozen meat.

We do have some lovely sunsets in the winter which you will be lucky to see if you get out of work early.

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I left work early this day, don’t tell anyone.

We get bonus colors because the sun reflects on the great amount of ice we have!

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You’ve heard of black ice, this is pink ice, equally dangerous but pretty.

There are many jobs, especially wanted are ice sculptors. We get our famous Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend each year which usually goes to prevent ice from forming on our faces as we sleep. 

All in all, it’s better than being really hot isn’t it? That’s what I tell myself about getting older as well.

 

 

what to do, and not do when you slip on the ice

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Today I slipped. I was on the street,  It was about 5 degrees and I learned a few things. You know you ‘re in for trouble when you don’t bother to put on your coat or gloves because you think you’ll be stepping out for just a second.

1. Hurrying and trying to do too much can kill you and at the very least make you look like a fool. I had on my pink shoes which I was, OF COURSE, reprimanded for at the ER, got dirt on my elf green tights, an x-ray, and a feel up of my butt.

2.  DO NOT get up without help! Okay if it’s pitch black and you are on a freeway – GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!  I thought I broke my tailbone. A car was coming slowly. One of my clients, thank God, saw me as I was trying to slither off the road. I knew if I tried to get up I would slip again as my head was all woozy.   The car stopped and my client helped me up.

3. DON’T refuse the walk back to the office.  Half way there my vision grew very tiny and I had to grab onto something. Apparently my Adrenalin gets very high when I think I’m in danger. Also my pulse gets very low. I barely got in the door when I passed out in a seat in the lobby. I actually saw little stars and had some very funny thoughts.  When I woke up another one of my clients was holding my shoulders and my co-worker was offering me a ride to the hospital. I think it was just nerves because I did not hit my head although everyone thought I did and that I just didn’t remember. I am a bit clueless.  I also have a raging anxiety disorder  so I think this was kicking in.

4. Just GO TO THE HOSPITAL. Your co-workers mean well and you never know. Put on the johnny, get the x-ray. Try not to think about the poor people in the Phillipines  who can’t even get an x-ray after a typhoon makes  trees fall on them.  You can always use this as an opportunity to explain anxiety disorders to the aide who asks, “What do you have to be anxious about?” My pulse was 45 when I came in. I’m in good shape but not that good shape. I was flooded with scaredy cat chemicals.

5.  DO take the opportunity to let your co-workers shine and help you out. Often they are not thanked for their work. This gives you the opportunity to change that.

6. Do smirk at the  accident form which requires you to get a blood alcohol and drug test after any accident.  Delight in the ER doctor who refuses to comply with this as she provides medical care not litigation insurance.

7. Do drive to the drug testing company to get yourself cleared as it is in the best interest of all involved even though the form clearly says  ” do not leave the medical facility without your drug test.” Presumably, they don’t want you to drive. Drive.

8. Pee in a cup, blow in the thing. It won’t kill you. It may smell like vitamins. Probably a change of pace for the drug testers. I blew a 000 by the way, even less than James Bond.

9. Get yourself a treat and GO HOME! I was shaking so much in the ER the doctor wanted to write me a note to get out of work. I said no need. My co-worker took care of the wonderful craft fair for which I was so eagerly postering.  I bought a bacon burger and a coke then settled down to some serious BIG BANG  THEORY.

10. DON”T go out and do shopping for Thanksgiving because you could get a few  more things done in the snow and ice before the sun goes down. DO consider taking tomorrow off. Even if you aren’t 54 as it said on my hospital wrist band. I was wearing pink shoes. I can’t be 54!