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Tag Archives: humour

Other things my microwave can do

Microwave dings

I can paste a photo of someone I am angry at on an egg and blow it up in my microwave.

I can take a photo of someone I am mad at by converting my microwave into a pinhole camera.  After doing so, I may not be able to use the microwave/camera to blow up the photo on the egg. A cardboard box would do a better job as a camera.

I can spy on my roommates by cutting a hole in the kitchen counter and in the bottom of the microwave. Then I can hide in the cabinet underneath and have my head sitting in the microwave. This will really freak them out. They usually open the microwave before turning it on, so I think my brain is safe.

I can scare away men over 50 by continually opening the microwave while it is on, especially when they are near it. They may know that microwaves don’t render them infertile but do they really believe everything they read?

I can bake brownies in my microwave. They are guaranteed to be the worst brownies ever but they will bake quickly. Because I live in Alaska, I can bake special brownies really quickly in my microwave although this is totally against Federal regulations.  Federal regulations and benefits are going the way of Star Trek Conventions so I may need a bigger microwave.

I can put a yellow Peep in the microwave and get it to puff up like the president’s hair.

I can go to Goodwill or Salvation Army and get a big old school webcam and glue it to the top of my microwave. Then I will add some disco lighting synched with Bluetooth speakers and Put the whole thing in my bicycle basket or on the top of my car and ride around town playing songs which will make America great again.

I can use my microwave as a blunt weapon to attack intruders and other undesirables.

I can heat up paranoia and racial hatred by putting them in the microwave for two and a half minutes.

I can make a Jello mold of the president then put it in the microwave and watch it dissolve.

 

 

 

 

 

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Old but interesting television

Old & interesting, that’s me. I went to a book sale on Saturday. I was almost the only one there, everyone else in the world owning a Kindle. There were some church ladies running the sale who were talking about their very first televisions.  One of them said that the first television they saw had oil in front of it to make the image larger. I got on the website for The Foundation and Museum of Early Television www.earlytelevision.org  and found a photo.

Criscovision!

Another gal said the first one she saw came with a magnifier.

high def for the older set!

Then they told me how their first color televisions had plastic color wheels that spun in front of the set.

Dad made the TV so we can see colored people!

When I look at the above advertisement I am frightened. I would be one of the adults who thought that there was a person trapped inside that box. It’s as big as a coffin and the face is like a little shrunken head. I would have called it voodoo and wouldn’t have let it in my home. Then again I don’t own an ipod or a cell phone. Although that may change when the Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend arrives at the end of next week. Over $1000 just to live in the cold, or to tolerate the presence of the major oil companies sucking out the blood of the land and putting it into my furnace and car. But back to TV.

Here’s a few that I thought were classic. Guess which one is from Germany?

STOP! in the Name of our sponsor. We are not Darleks, we are Television!

I can see you, but the writing looks backwards! Hey is this a TV or a sink?

The "kuba komet"

As you can tell I got a little excited by all this. It made me think of the time I spent at a keypunch machine coding cards to be fed into a giant computer. I always got something wrong and the cards were sent back. Cars had chrome bumpers that didn’t crack when someone hit them. But then we had to watch The Donny & Marie Show.  They still look the same. Tomorrow I will be going to a speed dating event. I think back in the old days they just called it a bar. More will be revealed.