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Suggestions for how the Republican Party can “punish” Lisa Murkowski

  1. Make her eat the infamous Senate Bean Soup

         https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senate_bean_soup

200px-Senate_bean_soup

     2.  Have a sign made for her to wear reading:

“I did not do what the boys wanted and now I have to wear this stupid sign.”

3.  When they see her coming, put their briefcases on empty seats on the little tram that runs underneath The White House so there is no room for her.

4.  Uninvite her to the annual Senate Sleepover at Mitch McConnell’s house.

5.  Facebook unfriend!

6.  Throw in a bunch of Sarah Palin jokes during the next filibuster.

7.  Bring in kegs of beer to celebrate Kavanaugh’s confirmation but mysteriously run out of red plastic cups if she wants some.

8. Play The Beastie Boys “The Lisa Lisa” each time her name comes up for roll call.

https://www.amazon.com/Lisa-Full-Force-Routine-Explicit/dp/B004VTEP7K/ref=sr_1_1?s=dmusic&ie=UTF8&qid=1539155932&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Lisa+Lisa%2FFull+Force+Routine+Beastie+Boys

9.  Lump of coal for Christmas

10. Attend Weekly “Ethics” class taught by The President.

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Cheap DIY Halloween- let it begin!

I’m going on vacation for a week so I am starting my decorations tonight. I made a big  spider for a spidey web and a mini skeleton to ride one of those twirly bike things you put in a garden. I love the spirit of creating one’s own decorations. It’s probably the process of finding stuff around the house or in thrift stores that amuses me. Repurposing items is a good creative challenge and keeps me out of trouble as the days get darker here in Alaska.

We have a bike like this in the garden at my work.

bike

 Here is a gentleman I made out of a pencil, some skewers, tape and tin foil. Maybe I’ll throw a black cape on him.

skeleton!

He’s more flexible than I am! This took about 20 minutes and he is about a foot and a half tall. If you want to festoon your home with glittery death you could have a bunch of kids make one each and learn a bit about anatomy to boot! Note that I kind of skimped on the ribs.

Here’s the spider which is all tinfoil and tape. It’s about two feet wide. It’s not heavy and the legs can be bent into any shape on that cheap spider webbing. I have to add some black dots for eyes.

spidey

I guess I’m on a mission to encourage everyone to make decorations instead of buying so much. I’m not one who wants everything to look “life-like”. I would rather everyone have their own version of a spider than a mass-produced one. You could make a plump spider or give it a nice little hat. It’s supposed to be more fun than scary,

I’m not a purist though.  I bought myself an inflatable  Tyrannosaurus Rex costume online this morning. My excuse? I’m turning 59 soon and I think it will be so much fun to wear anywhere. Okay, maybe not to the airport or a store or riding a bike but definitely for shoveling snow or for work!  What do you think? Could I get away with this at church? Can you imagine going up for communion? How about a twelve step meeting? It seems anonymous enough!

Inflatable-Dinosaur-Costumes

The Fall, The Salmon, the Political Harvest Festival

It wasn’t so long ago that it seemed like spring in America. Many people were hopeful. Other democracies wanted to be our friends. Now the weather has turned and only dictators will take us in. Our representatives huff and puff but they can’t blow down the free world with new or restored tariffs. Are we preparing for another less than civil war in our own country where people begin by wishing each other dead on Facebook and progress to buying ammunition?.

Had we not established, in the beginning, an oligarchy of wealthy white men to run the place we might not be in this crisis today. We can’t change the past but we can look outside our cherished ancestors to see how other countries have worked together instead of against each other in order to thrive.

Today I observed that the salmon have been moving approximately 2 bridges a day up the stream near my home in Anchorage.

fish bridge

Here they are at the first bridge. They’ve turned red and are swimming upstream from Cook Inlet which is just a few hundred yards away.

salmon bridge2

Here they are flapping their fins in the shallow water under a further bridge. They make lots of noise. They’ve become more desperate in their undertaking. They are very red. People get like this. So do Nations when they sense the endgame.

salmon3

Here are some salmon taking a break in an eddy by the former bridge. Note the white on the top of one of the fish. He is rotting away. These fish start out silver. They stop eating and turn red. Their parts start to rot off but hopefully, they survive to mate.  Some people are obsessed with their power and their endgame. They turn everything into a predatory pursuit or a competition to dominate.  Others can work together for the greater good. Too bad this country glorifies those who defeat others by force or intimidation. By deciding this is our preferred way of operating, we minimize the potential for the next generation to form models of cooperation.

I  hope that the ability to work with others can be taught in school and in the home. Why do we grade people on an individual basis or even decide pay this way when most everyone works winds up working on a team? Do we want the other teams in our workplaces to fail so we look better?  Perhaps it’s more difficult to introduce cooperation when there are so many single child families in the middle and upper classes. But that means that the meek will probably inherit the earth.

In Fall, people store up supplies. Some people hoard. In Winter disaster may strike any of us and who will help? Probably not those who consider themselves self-sufficient or who have the most firearms. Instead, it may be those who have experience in negotiation and emotional regulation who survive. It isn’t always the strongest or most intelligent/talented salmon who survives. It may be one who rests with the others at the side of the stream who has the energy to reach their final destination. The truth is they will all die, and most of their children will die before they mature. On that pleasant note, I encourage you to take a walk and enjoy what you see and feel today. Do not binge watch the news or your favorite dystopian fantasy. Instead, say hello to your neighborhood and notice that you are not on top of it nor on the bottom. We are just alive, for now. When I walk I’m not sure who is homeless and who is rich or in pain or Republican or Independent. We are just animals in the woods.

Don’t give up hope yet, at least until after you vote.  Have a voting party and invite anyone in your neighborhood who has participated in democracy. Don’t make your harvest hatred. Crunch the leaves, watch the moon rise. Forget about responding to every nasty post you read. Don’t hesitate to sing and dance outside but I draw the line at building a wicker man and sacrificing members of the opposite political party. If members of the United Nations can laugh at the audacity of our president then we can laugh too. It’s easier to get away with that in a crowd.

 

Anxiety Woman cannot finish a movie

 

fall4Serenity Now!

The funny thing is, I don’t feel extraordinarily anxious but my hands are shaking, my legs are aching and I can’t seem to find a movie that does anything for my serenity. I constantly worry about the characters.  I don’t watch TV anymore. Does anyone? I even have trouble with sit-coms. I hate it when I know people are going to be disappointed or embarrassed. I’ve picked up enough lingo that I can play along with co-workers when they talk about Jon Snow. I like his coat.

I don’t mind zombies as much because they are so stupid. They are stiff, awkward, and always hungry like me. They are funny. So am I. I was just watching a WWII show. Why would I do that? People are going to be killed! I tell myself I am just a sensitive person. The truth is I am so highly strung I start to vibrate unless it is a real emergency then I calm down for some reason. Maybe because I know from history that I can’t afford to get worked up and I am much more effective if I slow down,

Then there is the news. Why would a person like myself check in on the status of the Supreme Court nomination proceedings?  That’s like taking amphetamines. Nothing good comes from it.

My body recently decided that it was too excited to process food! Once again I did not feel overly stressed but I hadn’t been sleeping much. My intestines went into crisis mode and shot everything out like a cannon.

“That should take care of things. We got her attention”, they said.

I have been eating bland food for fear of another explosion. Maybe I need to watch bland shows as well.  I sort of like documentaries about different kind of occupations like hatmakers or cider making but then these small businesses die off and I feel sad. It gets hard to tell whether being under the weather physically makes me sad and anxious or it is the other way around.

I tried making some fudge tonight. It was a disaster. It turned into chocolate caramel. I became even more rigid. So I went outside. Sometimes I have to go out and look for beauty.

I love Fall and this has been a beautiful one in Anchorage. Fall is sort of sad so that might have something to do with my mood.  Here are some fall photos I took. I’m so lucky to live here. You should visit in Fall. It’s quiet, less crowded but still alive on the streets and trails. You’re more likely to see The Northern Lights.

fall1

That’s me and my shadow persona. The salmon are no longer jumping up the falls here at the hatchery. Instead, there are about 30 of them hunkered down under the bridge at the end of my street. Difficult to photograph when they are so shy.

fall3

The swans are ready to leave!

fall5

The evening light is so soft. Everyone is out walking, biking, jogging. I say hello to them all.

From writing this I’ve confirmed that relaxation is not mine to be found on the internet or in forcing activities. Serenity is more important than keeping up to date with what everyone else says is important. I have to keep my focus there or else I may spend the rest of my days in the bathroom.

 

A socio-political analysis of The Meg

 

meg

If you have not yet seen the film “The Meg”, perhaps your fear of giant sharks has impacted your life to the point where you need to seek professional help. You are missing out on one of the most important pieces of socio-political commentary of this century.  I suggest you might allay your fears by looking at the Megalodon as a metaphor.  Approach it as you might a poem, that is with a half of a marijuana cookie.

The Meg is an ancient creature, brought up from the depths as a by-product of a rich guy who wants more fame and fortune.  The Meg is a misunderstood outsider. The Meg does not and can not bargain because he is used to dominating all other creatures since the beginning of time. There is no one more powerful. All polls agree. This is not fake news. Did I mention that The Meg has a very big mouth? It is always opening and closing without any real words coming out. The Meg just devours. That’s what Megs do.

The Meg is attracted to light only to destroy the source of this light. It is not hard to imagine the words, “You’re fired”, coming out of his mouth each time he kills. He is particularly partial to offing whales, which are, of course, an endangered species.

The dilemma the film addresses is:  Should mankind study and respect a creature of this  majesty despite the massive death toll it will bring or should the intelligentsia work to bring The Meg down by any means – bombs, guns, or harpoons through the eyeball. It is with a “Sophie’s Choice” kind of poignance we observe that choice is a forced/ false one as there are always more Megs and the remaining characters, indeed the entire world, may die in the next film.

Jason Statham, however, can not die.  He could, but as a hybrid of John McCain and Bernie Sanders, it is highly unlikely that the franchise could continue. The mega-message here is that, no matter what, the franchise which is The Meg must continue. Statham is its biggest asset.

stathamLike many female movie stars before him, he has probably had to insure his chest. The fact that he does his own stunts makes him a stand-in for the value of authenticity in opposition to The Shark who is made of plastic and gets all his information from the internet.

The meaning of time is also explored in the film.  How many times will The Meg come back? Every four years? How much money did the film receive for featuring the over the top watches which appear in close-ups of every character?

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/meg-dive-watches-ruby-rose-li-bingbing-jason-statham-make-an-impression-1134859

When will the movie end? Isn’t this just Jaws in a time-machine?  Who has the time to work out that much for one shirtless scene?  Isn’t it time that there is more than one black actor per movie and isn’t there time to teach him how to swim? Is the shot of Statham harpooning The Meg a timeless tribute to Captain Ahab or is it just a way to make the film sexier than “Jurassic World”.

Like many works of art – The Meg leaves you with these big questions which you have to answer yourself. Then you may attend the sequel to see if you got them right.

 

 

Apple Cider Vinegar – the secret to your success!

applecidervinegar

Not that we’re “Bragg-ing”  but……

 

Let’s talk about the best news you’re going to hear today. Apple cider vinegar is like apple cider, but disgustingly sour!

It’s good for you, like prunes, but much less delicious!!

A good dose of Apple cider vinegar can make you grow hair wherever you want it!

A teaspoon in the morning will make Donald Trump appear sweet by comparison. That’s a miracle!!!

It also fights cancer, fake news and climate change!!

You can substitute a daily drink of apple cider vinegar for your colonoscopy!

Apple Cider vinegar voters alone can elect Bernie Sanders!

Add a splash to your contact lens liquid for an early morning eye opener and vocal alarm drill!!

Boiling apple cider vinegar on the stove can clear out a home of unwanted roommates or relatives!

Use as a gargle to create a more authentic “burning throat” sound before calling in sick for work!

Employ as a threat to children when they swear or don’t do their chores!!

Apple cider vinegar can be used as an all purpose substitute for Catholic Holy Water!!!

Makes a thoughtful wedding or engagement gift!

Is the other ingredient in Soylent Green!!

Apple cider vinegar is only tangentially related to Acid Rain.

 

This post was written in loving response to my roommate making an apple cider vinegar sauce on the stovetop and my sister who, for the 266th time, encouraged me to drink apple cider vinegar in water even though it burns my throat like hydrochloric acid. Bon Appetit!!!

 

 

How’d’ya like those berries?

berries3

 

Just a short anecdote this evening. It’s been raining most of the day and I took advantage of some rainless minutes to walk a few blocks over to the yellow raspberry bushes. They grow on the road, in what looks to be a public easement but they have been blocked by a truck the last few times I’ve tried to snag a few.

Again there was the truck. I sat on my haunches by the exhaust pipe and grabbed a few for my breakfast cereal. They’re delicious and will go bad quicker in the rain. Might as well get a few more I thought reaching in.

As I got up,  a woman opened the door of a truck parked a few feet away and asked,  “What are you doing?”

Her voice was not of someone berating me for stealing berries. It carried fear.  It was then I felt sad.  I am a big strong person, over  six foot two in my running shoes, wearing a man’s jacket and a crazy hat. I have very white, very long, strong legs. I scared another human being who thought I was up to no good.

I showed her my berries.  There was a small chance she would say, “Those aren’t yours, shame on you,” because when I turned, she saw I was an “old” woman.  I’m only in my fifties but I have white hair and wrinkles and she was no more than thirty with dark skin.  She apologized many times, with notes of sadness, shame and confusion as she realized she had perhaps caused insult to another person.

I also said too many “I’m sorry’s.”  I told her she was being a good neighbor and introduced myself. We shook hands and I left thinking of the dark skinned boys and men who must think before they act. I thought about the fear a strange man might inflict  upon a woman of any race.   I felt the awkwardness of my doing weird things. I felt the weight of my white privilege and had no appetite for the berries. Perhaps tomorrow.