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Qanon in 12 simple steps



Qanon  is a fellowship of people who share our experience, strength, and hope with each other that we may solve our common problem and help others to recover from misplaced faith in humanity and the democratic process.

Another way to understand QAnon is that it is a program for conservative people who self-medicate their fears and failings with internet conspiracy theories.

If you are a liberal person who self-medicates in a similar way you should probably purchase a Guy Fawkes mask.

Some people are distressed by what appears to be the emotionally instability and paranoia of  Qanon. If you find yourself nervous that Qanon might kill you or your family you can attend meetings for friends and family of Qanons. Nobody will be turned away.  Remember you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it.  That doesn’t mean there is no hope. It just means that you need to GET A LIFE and stop obsessing. Crazy makes crazy and we don’t need any more of that!

Qanon is a program of personalities above principles. Here are the primary personalities involved.


If this is you, you will have to use your secret service detail to fight Qanon when Qanon is not binge watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Star Trek, (not the original)  and any thing with David Hasselhoff in it.


If this is you, you are probably safe on Martha’s Vineyard because Qanon does not trust ferries.


And then there is Q.

All the crumbs of lunacy of the Qanon program have been distilled in the following 12 steps which come from the highest security rated rats of the U.S. Government.  Note the power of the very words.

  1.  We realized we were powerless over the educated, sane American citizen and our lives had become unmanageable
  2. Came to believe a power greater than sanity could restore us to the lily white segregated affluence of the 1950’s.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the craziest un-curated news on the internet and our own imaginations, just as we understand Donald Trump has succeeded in doing.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of The Clintons, Obamas and anyone who does not recognize the danger of Chemtrails, Chloride in the water or The Illuminati.
  5. Admitted to Q, ourselves and another delusional being the exact nature of our superior intelligence
  6. Were entirely ready to have Trump remove all defective officials and news agencies from their positions in the White House
  7. Cluelessly requested that Aliens, (the ones from outer space, not people from other countries as we are the ones who do the abducting around here!!)  remove the shortcomings of anyone more balanced and measured than ourselves.
  8. Made a list of all the people we project our anger and insecurities upon and became willing to sacrifice them to the devil.
  9.  Made illogical, outlandish assumptions based on Donald Trump’s mistakes in speech and became willing to spread them to all.
  10. Continued to take everyone else’s inventory and when others are right, find a mysterious, nonsensical reason why they must be wrong.
  11. Sought through obsession with any crap on the internet to improve our conscious contact with Donald Trump, as we misunderstood him, praying only for the knowledge of some deep, dark, democratic plot to overthrow him and the power to blow away the alleged perpetrators with space weapons from the future.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others without making them laugh or cringe and practiced putting down democrats of any stature in all our affairs.

So there you have it, get yourself to a meeting in the basement of any videogame arcade.

Happy Chemtrails and may the Q be with you!




About polarflares

My head is so big because it has so many holes and air gets in.

2 responses »

  1. Aileen Holthaus

    Joan – OMG! – this is so funny and scary it hurts. You have captured their bizarro-ness.

  2. Beth Cullinane

    Ha Ha ha! I had to look up chemtrails. It is like medieval days. Not in a good way.. .


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