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Why I have been failing at my plan for World Domination

  1. I’m just too tired to stay up late and tweet evil missives. I haven’t even had enough energy to shovel out the hammock.hammock
  2. When I get mad enough to explode I usually just eat anything in sight or worse yet go out for a walk. What a loser!
  3. It’s so hard to get attention by being cranky up here in Alaska. I can’t explain exactly how crazy one has to be to get media attention. Even then, television reception is so bad I would have to depend on the internet to get my evil plans out. Then, I don’t trust I’ll be able to reassemble after streaming. I’ve seen enough Star Trek to know that the Transporter has had some real bad problems. Bad! I would replace Mr. Scott with an American entrepreneur ASAP, preferably someone who knows nothing about engineering.mr-scottNo more drinking on the job Mr. Scottish!
  4. It’s difficult to find an evil news manipulator in Anchorage. I’m totally willing to be a puppet for a great Svengali but it’s a right wing media graveyard  since Sarah Palin left.
  5. I just don’t feel “Great” enough. I live in “The Great Land”, “The Great White North”, but I feel overshadowed by the attention given melting glaciers. Big deal. It’s not like they’re alive like little baby fetuses.  I need to work on my superlativity. I am the Greatest problem since Global Warming! I may not be greater than Jesus but I am richer. He gave everything away. So stupid.
  6. It is hard to be a world dominator when you are not a 10. I am flat chested. I can never be a 10 and that is so unfair.
  7. I spend excessive time focused on solutions instead of exaggerating problems which would create building blocks of paranoia in the poor people of America’s most dangerous cities where bad, bad people are skulking around neighborhoods without the decency to be wearing fitbits.
  8. I read too much. Such a waste. Stop reading this right now and go out and say and do things based on no information whatsoever. Some day you may even be able to appoint a horse to be Senator or even to The Supreme Court.
  9. original-head-of-caligula
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About polarflares

My head is so big because it has so many holes and air gets in.

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