Don’t loll around in de Nile. Just because a fear is realistic doesn’t mean it can’t be destructive and take control of your life! Take this easy quiz to see how ill you have become and find out what other people are doing about their diagnosis.
- How many Facebook posts have you written pleading for people to elect a female president? ( 1 point for each post)
- Are you still considering voting for Bernie Sanders? (5 points)
- If Trump appears on the TV while you are on the treadmill at the gym, does the treadmill turn off automatically due to unsafe heart rate? (5 points)
- Have you used the words “Nazi” or “Hitler” within two syllables of the word “Donald” or the word “Trump.” in the last week? (5 points) Within the last hour (10 points)
- Have you avoided playing cards so you won’t have to say the “t” word? (5 points)
- Have you thought about protesting at the Republican convention? (5 points) If you have already bought your airline or bus ticket (10 points)
- Have you considered moving to Canada? (1 point as Canada is pretty cool) Mexico (2 points), England (5 points)
- Do you ever lose sleep thinking about the election then get up and diminish your sorrow with bonbons and bread products? (5 points)
- Do you think you are smarter than most Americans (2 points)
- If you had a choice between eating a live rat and voting for Donald Trump, would you choose the rat? (2 points)
If you have 9 points or less you are probably a very psychologically healthy Republican.
If you have 10-20 points you are borderline obsessed with Trump
If you have 21 to 45 points you have a real problem and should consider some of the following options.
- Join the Communist party. Everyone probably thinks you are one anyway. Vote for their candidate. That way you won’t have to worry about your candidate losing because they always do.
- Consider opening a bakery or a bar. People always eat more sweets and drink more when things are going badly.
- Remind yourself that you are not in control of the outcome of this election. You only have one vote and the more you try to convince Trump voters that they are wrong the more they actually are right because you are annoying them with your liberal agenda. Even when you try to get people to vote for Hilary, people may vote for someone else just to spite you for spewing your anxiety at them. Feel free to register voters but remember that if you do this fairly and legally, some of them will vote for Trump.
- It’s only 8 years maximum, unless he is really Hitler.
- If you live in Alaska, calm down! The state is already run like a Trump hotel.