I was raised to be the life of the party and I can do it without alcohol, drugs or a game board. The trick is I enjoy a good awkward situation. Since New Year’s Eve is here I’m sharing some party pointers with you anxious party avoiders. Have a zinger ready when you have exhausted yourself preparing to entertain and then panic when people arrive. Look at each crash and burn moment as a chance to light up the sky with flames of even more awkwardness. Give them a line they won’t forget or that will at least make them as uncomfortable as you are. Here are some lines that have worked for me.
1. You can’t remember the person’s name at introduction time. Try some of these:
“This is my other wife, no, not my ex, I have two, you didn’t know? Wow, excuse me, gotta go.”
“Oh my God, (Hug, Kiss, cry) Look who’s here! Everyone, can I have your attention..On the count of 3 say hello. 123 Hello………….Don’t you remember his name. What kind of people are you?”
” Hi this is a person who bakes delicious food and I believe you are someone who likes to eat delicious food, am I right? Make yourselves at home.”
” I have to introduce you two by code names because you are both so attractive I don’t want you to stalk each other.”
“I believe these are the droids you are looking for.”
2. Someone asks how you know the host or a guest and it’s not something you wish to share, as in you met them in a support group, you are the hired help, or you just crashed the party.
” We met in a church parking lot. We were both looking for a support group and couldn’t find it so we said f*# it and went out for coffee. What support group was it anyway, do you remember? Women who hate too much? Snickers anonymous?”
” Oh, I’m being paid to attend this party, aren’t you? I think everyone else is. Sorry, maybe you’ll get paid next time.”
” We went to X-Men school together.”
” We were supposed to be looking for these two droids and the rest is history”
3. Someone asks an intrusive question like “Do you own this place?” “How much do you pay a month?” “How do you all share one bathroom?” “Do you mind if I clean up the place a bit?” “What do you do for a living?” ” Do you have any kids?” “Is that your natural hair color?”
“Jeez, I really don’t know the answer to that question. Shall we Google it?”
” Just a moment, let me get my liar, I mean my lawyer. He knows that kind of stuff right off the top of his head.”
” How about those droids you were looking for?
Now get out there and have some fun!