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What I would show Obama if he and I were chillin’ in Anchorage

Obama says he wants to talk to the real people of Alaska who working in fishing and tourism so that would include me. Being an actor as well as a tourism worker I would give him a behind the scenes tour of the town, what he might not see on the official tour but would be slightly juicier.

First off I would take him to the employee break room of The Captain Cook Hotel.  There are many people of color working in the kitchen and cleaning the rooms. I think he would like to hang with them. I hope some of The Secret Service folks speak Spanish.  It is not a fancy place but the people are cool and very deserving of a Presidential visit!

We could  step out on Fourth Avenue, shake hands with some tourists then stop for a beverage at Side Street Espresso.This is where all the liberals hang out. It is very cozy as there are not many liberals in Alaska. I’m sure he would get a warm welcome from Deb and George would probably draw his picture for the coffee of the day sign.

Afterwards we would stop by Town Square Park where all the people who don’t seem to have a job hang out. The young folks could do skate board tricks for him. Some of the other folks could keep The Secret Service busy.  Either that or we could have lunch over at The Mission or The Soup Kitchen.  I don’t want to begrudge The President top of the line food but he can eat dinner at The Crow’s Nest or Simon’s. I think lunch should be with the people.

I would invite him over to my house but I only have 3 packs of ramen left.  My roommate has lots of salmon he caught and blueberries he picked which I’m sure he wouldn’t mind sharing with The President. Barack could hang out in the hammock while we cook. There aren’t many mosquitoes out because it’s been so warm and dry but he will have to watch for the bees. We could walk down to the Coastal trail to see some more neighbors and peek in on the migrating Sandhill Cranes who are usually resting right outside the tunnel from Westchester lagoon.

If it was on Sunday, a drive to Mountain View would definitely be in order to get some barbecue sold on the sidewalk in front of one of the Samoan churches. We might as well visit The Red Apple Grocery while we’re there to catch a diverse cross section of residents and maybe take in part of a rugby game in the park.

I would not take him to The Moose’s Tooth. The pizza is good but it’s not good enough to wait that long for. If you really want some good pie there are places like Pizza Olympia and Uncle Joe’s and they will deliver so you don’t have to wait for a table with every little league player in town.

Also I would not be visiting “The most diverse school in the country!”  This hype is almost as bad as The Moose’s Tooth. What does most diverse mean? More languages are spoken here?  Perhaps because this is where all the poor people live. Anchorage is not terribly diverse by the numbers. This is a very white town. The fact that one school is “The most diverse” is pretty sad. It means we are not integrated folks. It is not a thing to be proud of no matter how many languages people speak. Poor immigrants mostly live in one neighborhood and rich white people in others.

I am glad that Obama is scheduled to go down to Seward. It’s pretty there and he should be seeing some glaciers and otters, maybe a whale or two. Perhaps he will get some Akutaq, (Eskimo ice cream), while visiting the Northern part of the state. It’s delicious even when made with Crisco! Don’t tell Michelle.



Now you can make it at home. Substitute Crisco if you don't have reindeer fat.

Now you can make it at home. Substitute Crisco if you don’t have reindeer fat.

I wish our governor was not so excited to talk to Obama about a gas pipeline and instead wanted to talk about how medical insurance is so high here that The Affordable Care Act will not be very affordable with next year’s approved increases in rates. I wish he would talk about how we have spice and heroin and alcohol taking a big toll on our people with only a few religious affiliated recovery centers who have poorly paid staff and old facilities.  What good is oil and gas if all the people are dead?

Also I hope he gets to go running on the military base with some soldiers and they see a moose. That’s what most people want to see when they come to Alaska and although we can’t control the animals, there are enough of them on base that he should be able to get some exercise and moose exposure at the same time.

I’m sure you all have ideas for his visit as well. Be sure to add them to the comments. Even if you aren’t from Alaska. What would you show him in your neighborhood?


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My head is so big because it has so many holes and air gets in.

4 responses »

  1. I think your tour plan of Anchorage is very good. If I were still in Dillingham where he is going I would take him to the grocery store where he would see $10 gallons of milk, to the post office where he would meet everyone in town, and then we’d go to Kanakanak Beach to check out the set net sites and the eroding banks of Nushagak Bay.

  2. I’d take him (or our PM) shopping on a budget of £25 and see how HE could feed a family for a week. And he’d have to walk as the monthly fuel allowance has already been spent!

  3. Hate to tell you this – you’ve got the wrong person – he knows all about this “stuff” You need to set up a tour with the other 14 “hopefuls” on the other side of the ticket. They are the ones who have no idea of how we are “living”


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