Did you go to the big Summer Solstice Celebration in Anchorage? It was brilliant. Free barbeque with coconut/lime macadamia cupcakes from the Captain Cook and a Kayak pool brought in more than a thousand people. I enjoy a good party but alas I also have a mood disorder which does not respond well to vast fluctuations of light and dark. So as I found myself weeping uncontrollably for the better half of the day, I also had some fun.
Father’s day followed with an emotional hangover which did not benefit from my attendance at a free herb walk. Said walk involved no walking, just endless standing, actual tree hugging and a diatribe about dandelion root as the new/old cure for cancer. Meanwhile the mosquitoes feasted and I found the proportion of spiritual to scientific information upsetting to my stomach. I should have gone to see the re-release of Jaws.
Father’s Day used to upset me because I didn’t know my father that well and no one likes to speak ill of the dead. Now it upsets me because it seems everyone’s father is dead. Facebook is filled with tributes. I am sad for everyone. These dads were so strong and full of life even if they did drink too much or vote for Nixon. The overwhelming message is that we are next. Even the vegan must die. This is another way I know I am in a bit of a depressive cycle, by counting the times I reference death in each post. Does wanting to go see Jaws count?
On a brighter note here are some photos from The solstice. I love hats. The opera association brought out some of their costumes to try on in order to induce folks to order season tickets. I intended to order them but the line was so long for the barbeque that I never got back there. I do however have some lovely memories.
The opera is not doing HMS Pinafore this year but The Mikado instead. Anyone from grade school interested in coming up to Alaska to attend? We can go in costume and sing along.
Even though I was having fun before my crying jag. This is what lay underneath.
I did not spontaneously combust into tears. Other people were exploding and I just caught on fire. Unfortunately, the way my brain works I can not self smother, even with the many medications I faithfully ingest. It takes more time than the usual human for me to calm down. It’s not that I don’t know how to “self-soothe”. I just have a very acid chemical bath inside my skull and I need time for it to neutralize. Some people are fine right after a conflict or an exciting adventure. I need time to recover just like a deer in the headlights. Remember how long it took to recover from your first romantic break-up? It took me about six months. I’m doing better than that now. My father was similar. Once he got heated up it was difficult for him to calm down so he would take off. Most of the time his destination was the American Legion. He walked lots! Not such a bad idea sometimes. He and I are/were mostly string and bone.
Some people mourn the passing of the solstice as the days are getting shorter. I can’t imagine focusing on the loss of a few minutes a day when we have such an abundance of summer left. Here is a view from Cuddy Park in midtown. Note that the mountains have very little snow since Boston stole all of ours this winter.
The carnival is still in town. When I went to investigate the rides I was repelled by the smell of rancid grease. I can still smell it hours later. Perhaps my nose is getting as sensitive as my brain. That’s not going to work when I go to the bathroom several times a day. I suppose I can try a mantra like ” My SH*T smells like roses.” Wish me luck.
Happy/sad Solstice & Father’s Day