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Some more or less anxious thoughts on my birthday

1.  Hey I should do all the things I like today to make myself happy and if I’m not happy doing those things maybe I shouldn’t be having a birthday!

2.  Am I a late bloomer? I think I am. What if I already bloomed and I didn’t notice? Why didn’t you guys tell me?

3. I just decorated the yard, not for my birthday, but because it’s my birthday, and I get to do what I want. Here it is.

It's a little busy but there are lots of dead people in the world

It’s a little busy but there are lots of dead people in the world

There is a fish theme going on. There’s a shark and two baby ghosts in the cauldron.  The big ghost is holding a salmon.   Good thing my birthday isn’t in March or I would have Brutus and Marc Antony out there.

4. I should have exercised. I’m not getting any younger and it’s not like I was working today. I just don’t feel like it. I feel like solving all my life problems at once. That’s about as healthy as the discount cake that I bought myself at the supermarket. Not day old cake, but it had kind of a crunched corner as if another cake did a hit and run. I just took a break and rode my bike. It was cold and people kept telling me there was a big bull moose on the right. After  a half mile of hypervigilence I quit looking. Turns out his butt was towards the trail so he was hard to see even though he was close. That’s good for me since he was eating and not looking to hoof me to death. Bad for you because you don’t get a photo. I don’t feel any less tense.

5. I should be grateful. I watched Captain Phillips last night. At least there are no pirates at my house. There are however fishermen and fishing gear.  In the film, there was some debate as to whether the men from Somalia were pure pirates or half fishermen.  I don’t think I have to worry because my current roommate is half greenhouse man and half fisherman.  Not much of a pirate although he does pay the rent in cash. None the less, there is  not 30,000 dollars in a safe anywhere close by.  Really not much exciting to hijack here, but it’s home.

We are fishers of men

We are fishers of men


6.  I never tell facebook my birthday but somewhere about half way through the day I announce it myself  because I can’t stand knowing that I am just one of a billion fleshy balloons  rolling  around on broken glass. I want to be special enough that my buddies stop looking for the 10 million dollar ransom and  fix my hurt foot.


7.  If I just started telling people I was a Taurus would I become more “lean in” and “take charge”? Can I make up a zodiac sign like a “Virbra” or “Libro” because I want to be on the cusp of something?  The symbol could be a woman sitting on a fish scale or metal scale with breast armor. It would be confusing and fit me perfectly. I don’t really believe in this stuff but there is something about the sun and the moon that does something to my psyche. I like to go for a ride at sunset. Sometimes I can relax afterwards, as if the lease on the day is up and I can give up trying to achieve anything.  I don’t know what I’m trying to prove.

sun going down on my birthday

sun going down on my birthday


8.   Is it too late for me to be more like Ponyo? I hope not.  I will approach my next interview like the little fish girl who could. Maybe I will even ask if they have ham!

keep running after what you want!

keep running after what you want!


About polarflares

My head is so big because it has so many holes and air gets in.

3 responses »

  1. Happy birthday. Hope you have a good day whatever you do.

  2. thanks. Best unexpected birthday gift – a good nights sleep, as if I were a baby! It was great.


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