I could have scanned the ad inserts from Fred Meyers and J C Penney in the local rag, The Alaska Dispatch, but this was much more depressing, right up my alley. My birthday comes but once a year and this is a marvelous way to prepare. Find all the expensive rubbish you don’t need and vow not to buy it, nor receive it. It’s like vowing never to marry, you may actually be fighting off the offers. So without ado, here’s my non-wish list.
Just say NO to Meditation Bells
These things are crazy! Are all Buddhists nuts or just The rich American ones? These look like the bells that the Altar boys rang in Catholic Church when we said “Body of Christ.” Did Jesus/Buddha really like tinkly bells and bling? Perhaps just the priests? Isn’t a diamond studded meditation bell a little like a diamond studded social security card? I never understood the diamond studded crosses either. What would Jesus wear?
Instead get me chocolate
No, I do not want “One more day in Vegas”
= one more STD, one more night searching for my room in a vast sea of what looks like corridors of a state penitentiary, one more false expectation that I will meet the love of my life and he won’t have a drink and a cigarette in his hand.
Instead see above
NO! NOT Another Inspirational handbook for changing my life/the world. If I was able to help myself, don’t you think I would have done so by now? Do I still believe that helping others is going to make me happy? That maneuver gets old quickly. Why are we put on this world? Only God know, so don’t over think it. That’s my new Golden Rule.
I can’t handle any more advice on how to get a man, get a job or get happy. I have chocolate for the last one and I think it may work for the other two if just I got more creative. I’m aware that escaping into chocolate won’t save the world since there are people who are actually allergic to it just like they are to gluten and exercise . I am also aware that most people change the world without ever knowing it, getting paid for, or publishing about it.
This particular book, “A Path Appears,” is universally liked by both movie stars and mystics. Should there be a shortage, I will be doing my part by doing without it. I am more likely to change the world by making a complete fool of myself and creating a bit of unintentional laughter in my wake. One more piece of information on how to be more effective in my life might fire up the overdoing, people pleasing urges which have already almost brought me to ruin. Please stop the presses, and the facebook game apps (available tie in with sister book, “Half The Sky.”)
NO. NO. NO! to gigantic metallic accessories!
I love glitter because it is not gold. These cameras are not as funny as the Flavor Flav clocks. No they are more like golden tennis rackets or golf clubs presented to winners at the country club tournament. How would I know? I don’t know. I’m making this all up because I have issues and need to complain about something.
I haven’t been to jail so I don’t think I would look right walking around with an electronic ankle bracelet or gigantic lock and chain just for fun. They look tiny here but the effect is something like observing a smiling extra in Twelve Years a Slave.
Here is an entire outfit I don’t want or need. Do you?
The coat is made of white plastic so perhaps that is why the model looks so uncomfortable. She can wipe that clean but the $4000 skirt can not touch the ground. I have an idea for a TV series. Sr. Bertrille, The Flying Nun, crash lands during a hurricane. She winds up an unwilling contestant on Survivor. Would you vote her off the island and bring on the wrath of God?
I still have lots to read of this Sunday’s NY Times so there are plenty more things to not want. I have my paper, and that will be recycled, eventually.
Happy birthday to me!