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Anxiety woman peruses The NY Times for possible birthday gifts

I could have scanned the ad inserts from Fred Meyers and J C Penney in the local rag, The Alaska Dispatch, but this was much more depressing, right up my alley. My birthday comes but once a year and this is a marvelous way to prepare. Find all the expensive rubbish you don’t need and vow not to buy it, nor receive it.  It’s like vowing never to marry, you may actually be fighting off the offers.  So without ado, here’s my non-wish list.

Upscale serenity

Upscale serenity

 

 Just say NO to Meditation Bells

These things are crazy! Are all Buddhists nuts or just The rich American ones?  These look like the bells that the Altar boys rang in Catholic Church when we said “Body of Christ.” Did Jesus/Buddha really like tinkly bells and bling? Perhaps just the priests?  Isn’t a diamond studded meditation bell a little like a diamond studded social security card? I never understood the diamond studded crosses either. What would Jesus wear?

 

Instead get me chocolate

 

 

Respect lost? Priceless!

Respect lost? Priceless!

 

No, I do not want  “One more day in Vegas

= one more STD, one more night searching for my room in a vast sea of what looks like corridors of a state penitentiary,  one more false expectation that I will meet the love of my life and he won’t have a drink and a cigarette in his hand.

Instead see above

 

And it is the path more travelled by

And it is the path more traveled by

 

NO! NOT Another Inspirational handbook for changing my life/the world. If I was able to help myself, don’t you think I would have done so by now? Do I still believe that helping others is going to make me happy? That maneuver gets old quickly. Why are we put on this world? Only God know, so don’t over think it. That’s my new Golden Rule.

I can’t handle any more advice on how to get a man, get a job or get happy. I have chocolate for the last one and I think it may work for the other two if just I got more creative. I’m aware that escaping into chocolate won’t save the world since there are people who are actually allergic to it just like  they are to gluten and exercise . I am also aware that most people change the world without ever knowing it,  getting paid for, or publishing about it.

This particular book, “A Path Appears,” is universally liked by both movie stars and mystics.  Should there be a shortage, I will be doing my part by doing without it.  I am more likely to change the world by making a complete fool of myself and creating a bit of  unintentional laughter in my wake.  One more piece of information on how to be more effective in my life might fire up the overdoing, people pleasing urges which have already almost brought me to ruin. Please stop the presses, and the facebook game apps (available tie in with  sister book, “Half The Sky.”)

 

NO.   NO.   NO! to gigantic metallic accessories!

Hope you got your matching dental grilles

Hope you got your matching dental grilles

I love glitter  because it is not gold. These cameras are not as funny as the Flavor Flav clocks. No they are more like golden tennis rackets or golf clubs presented to winners at the country club tournament.  How would I know? I don’t know. I’m making this all up because I have issues and need to complain about something.

 

These are classy, if you have the record to pull them off.

These are classy, if you have the record to pull them off.

I haven’t been to jail so I don’t think I would look right walking around with an electronic ankle bracelet or gigantic lock and chain just for fun. They look tiny here but the effect is something like observing a smiling extra in Twelve Years a Slave.

 

Here is an entire outfit I don’t want or need. Do you?

Never sit on the grass wearing white!

Never sit on the grass wearing white!

The coat is made of white plastic so perhaps that is why the model looks so uncomfortable. She can wipe that clean but the $4000 skirt can not touch the ground.   I have an idea for a TV series. Sr. Bertrille, The Flying Nun, crash lands during a hurricane. She winds up an unwilling contestant on Survivor. Would you vote her off the island and bring on the wrath of God?

 

I still have lots to read of this Sunday’s NY Times  so there are plenty more things to not want. I have my paper, and that will be recycled, eventually.

Happy birthday to me!

 

 

 

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About polarflares

My head is so big because it has so many holes and air gets in.

3 responses »

  1. Indeed, Happy Birthday.
    As for Inspirational books to change your life, I once flummoxed a guy in the street peddling such an item.
    When asked if I could be anyone in t the world who would I be, I replied myself.
    Next question was if I could have any job in the world, what would it be, I said the one I was doing.
    At the time, I was extremely content with my life and doing a job I loved, He couldn’t compete with that.
    Incidentally, this paticular strain of salesman worked for a company that thrived in making peope feel less than they were, and convincing them to part with shedloads of money to make them actually feel worse about themselves!

    Reply
    • I have been stopped by those same folks many times when I lived in Berkeley, CA. I think they prey on people who look thoughtful. I have struggled when being a counselor wondering when to confront people about something they might want to change and when to just focus on the strengths and let the problems float by. I really don’t like formulas for change, as rushing it doesn’t seem to help. 🙂

      Reply

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