I heard it on the radio. I knew it was wrong because I am at the forefront of clown technology and I was not familiar with the advertiser. Maybe I’m falling behind? I have the unicycle, the stilts, the juggling pins, foam rubber nose, but cutting edge clowning is about being up to date on the personal irony of your own existence in this sorry world. I could make a video showing me downing hundreds of chocolates with my smile growing outlandishly until the thrill of being an adult child reverses into the awareness of being a dyspeptic fool. I could try to smother myself with a pillow on you tube while whittling away an evening of insomnia or trim my toenails with my fancy new zoloft cutter. Perhaps I heard the ad wrongly and they were talking about some type of internet storage?
I just read a want ad for the Little Red School House.” Prefer a CDA, and experience in ECE.” I don’t know those acronyms – Certified Drug Addict? Criminal Defense Attorney? Elementary Classroom Education or Excitable Children Expert? Written in bold was the phrase Needs to be: followed by the words “Professional”, “Efficient”, “Despondent” and “Responsible.” I might have read them wrong. I was too depressed to put on my glasses.
Life is full of misunderstandings. The free market thrives on them. I bought five necklaces I didn’t need just about the time I realized I needed glasses. I thought they were a bargain at $10 for the bunch. The price was much larger than the font used to print it. I see a big delicious burger on a crystal stand in a private McDonald’s Club to which only superstar basketball players and flamenco dancers are welcome. Am I hungry for the burger or the fame or inclusion? I admit I already belong to a McDonald’s Club of sorts. When I go in for my fish sandwich, I am often greeted by name and leave to the tune of “See you tomorrow.” McDonald’s is where everybody knows my name. Shouldn’t that make me sad?
It’s so confusing that I have to turn off the television and watch an old Disney film – Pollyanna! Just think good thoughts, people and the world can change. You might even walk again and even if you don’t everyone will like you and no one will give up on you. I want to believe it but I can scarcely believe my own hopefulness. I’m the clown of hope. Perhaps I don’t have any at all but I like to instill it in others just as a cruel experiment? Now that’s the cutting edge of clown technology!