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Losing my marbles trying to find Mr. or Ms. Right


I’m always looking for somebody, usually a roommate or a date. So far I’ve only become  intimate with OKCupid and Craigslist. I know how they work, and what to expect most of the time. This weekend I was surprised twice.

Surprise number 1. I got an email from a woman who had a name like a stripper. Not that these names can’t be nice but let’s call her Karma Supra. She’s looking for a room. I call her and she talks very fast. She is 34 years younger than me and works as a bikini barista. You have to wonder about the wisdom in taking that kind of job with the possible burns and the fact that we live in Alaska.  She is  staying at a hotel as she had an argument with one of her parents and would like to see the room today if possible. I told her I would see her at 4 pm and gave her my address.

I immediately regretted this. Now she knows I won’t be home until 4 pm, she could rob the place. Of course there’s nothing in the entire house that isn’t second hand. Perhaps she would like the 10 kinds of mustard the last roommate left?  I went ice skating and tried to pretend I was the oldest Olympian at 54 but I don’t think I fooled anyone.  They were playing the weirdest music at the  lagoon. “Another Saturday Night and I ain’t got nobody” just doesn’t work for ice dancing.

When I got back, no one had robbed my house and she showed up right on time in a gigantic jeepish  SUV with monster tires driven by her brother. She had difficulty walking up the driveway  due to her well heeled ($300.?) cowboy boots. She entered my home on the phone and left on it spending about 2 minutes and 30 seconds inside. I spoke more to her brother than to her. He owns 4 duplexes and wanted to help her get a nice place. He thought this would be nice. She apparently did not. She was not a thief. She was too good for me! She had rhinestones on her velvety sweatshirt and some lacy undie things sticky out of the top of her pants. I thought she must be down and out.  Who as a 20 year old stays in a hotel when they could be sleeping on a friend’s couch? Now I laugh because I know who does – A diva!

So that was my first laughable error. Then I got a text this afternoon which confused me as I don’t text.  It said ” I’m going  to skate at the lagoon and will be the very tall one who doesn’t know how to skate.”  It sounded like someone from a personal ad that I had given my number to. I thought they might have figured out I wasn’t interested since I didn’t call them back after they called on Wednesday.  So I put on my makeup to go ice skating. Then I felt a little silly. Makeup shows up so much more in the sun. Let me look at that phone number again. Ha, it’s not his number. Could he be using a friend’s number since he doesn’t live here full time and has an out of state number? Maybe.  Let me check the number of the gal I went skating with yesterday. Nope. Then I realized that there was another female friend who said they would call me today. It was her number.  I felt pretty dumb there in my makeup.

My mind goes in whatever direction it cares to, paranoia, wishful thinking, obsession with sweets, Sherlock, chocolate, or Doctor Who.  I wish I could keep up with it. Now valentine’s day is coming up and I will be surrounded by chocolate, still be single and looking for a roommate. Wish me luck.


About polarflares

My head is so big because it has so many holes and air gets in.

3 responses »

  1. Believe me, you got off lightly with Ms Diva. I think I may have ended up strangling her with her thong!
    Keep smiling!

  2. Your life! I’m glad you are living it so that I can laugh. Makes my day.


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