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Alaska gifts for the holidays!

Nothing says Alaska more than a personal firearm!

Nothing says Alaska more than a personal firearm!


I get this flyer every year. Perhaps you do as well? Maybe it has the state of Massachusetts or Rhode Island  printed on the handle instead?  There are apparently only 100 made for each state so the odds are you’ll have a better chance of getting an Alaskan one as we have less people.  I wonder why I keep getting this flyer when I usually just buy 35″ low rise boot cut corduroys online? Maybe they think I’m a cowgirl?


the utility combo

the utility combo

I took this photo right from the flyer – what a fun combination! My mind goes to a bad place though.  Measure the family jewels and if they don’t come up to snuff – stuff them with a sock or two!  Notice it’s a very tiny tape measure- probably only goes up to 12 or 14 inches. That’s long enough for most men. Definitely long enough for most women!


You need a license to have a gun, but not for one of these!

You need a license to have a gun, but not for one of these!

Once again, right out of the paper! You can buy your own drone and send something nice or nasty to someone via your cell phone which we hope you bought off the black market so it can’t be traced.  Perhaps you could just deliver some groceries or a love note but I’m pretty sure that’s not what most people are thinking when they’re in the market for a drone. I’m not sure how it operates when it’s 20 below outside, (note how the advertisement seems to place it in the desert.)


wow - up to 100% effective!

wow – up to 100% effective!

Up to one hundred percent effective feminine protection from “leaks!”   I was hoping for more than 100 % but then my expectations have always been a little too high. I wonder what the average or mean protection level is?  Can I really mix and match the teen and pregnancy pads with confidence?  What a great gift item for the premenopausal woman on your list – an almost “Always” reliable product which says I love you and want you leak free and confident. Merry Christmas.

Something for everyone!

Something for everyone!

I had no idea this was” the season for Comfort and Strength.” I thought it was the season of candy and lights, of good cheer and charity. No, it’s the season of Charmin with comfort cushions!   No longer do I need to take comfort in the company of friends and family or find strength in the faith of a shining star which points to hope. I can find it all on the toilet roll.


For your lawn

For your lawn

Anchorage has more than its fair share of air-blown  lawn ornaments but this is one I saw online that’s a must have for the  bacon lover in your life. Perhaps you could put a bacon car scent thing in the air blower to give it that je ne sais quoi?   I saw an inflatable rat at a protest site the other day and thought wow that would be great for Halloween.  An inflatable pig with a bow and Santa hat? That might be good for…? A barbeque? An election? Mardi gras?  You can buy these online and get them delivered to Alaska but order now, only 100 per state!







About polarflares

My head is so big because it has so many holes and air gets in.

One response »

  1. Funny how sales of toilet paper and ant-acids always seem to rocket around this time of year! Love the pig by the way.


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