The temperature has hit 90 degrees F only a few times since I’ve lived here.
Today is one of them. I’ve noticed some strange things going on
1.The glaciers are no longer melting. They’re boiling then evaporating. Some are bursting into flames
2. Burnt humans covered with mosquito bites behave badly, like Khardashians.
3. Wearing sunglasses at 10 pm is like wearing fleece, silly, but sometimes necessary.
4. People here don’t have summer clothes but everyone seems to have capri pants which should be destroyed at the end of the week for the sake of all that is good in humanity.
5. Working folk and retirees alike realize that they complain about the weather no matter what it is, because they like to complain. This leads to a dark night of the soul, which lasts about 2 hours.
6. Salmon jumping into dip nets, already poached.
7. Superheroes have been called up to zap the evil planet emitting death rays.
8. Not to be outdone, the female of the species Homo Sapiens is building woman caves.
9. People who moved from the East Coast to California, then to The Pacific Northwest, all the way to Alaska are now feeling what it’s like to be stepped on by their own carbon footprint.
10. I was vaporized today while rollerblading