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Negative Woman’s Oscar Picks

Negative woman opines again!

Negative woman opines again!

I’m not picky, just depressed. Some films make me want to die more than others. I like meaningful movies and really funny ones. I tend to vomit at romantic comedies. I believe in love but not what Hollywood is usually selling. So here are my violent reactions to this year’s crop.
Best Picture
Amour, if I were capable of watching it, should win. Mortality is a favorite topic but my mental health was too fragile to bear a feature length death scene. I hope the female lead wins best actress before she dies. Now would be a good time.
Lincoln will win. I didn’t see it because I know it will come to the cheap theatre soon. I hear it has lots of death in it. I think the lead character also dies.
Argo – most entertaining, but Oscar material? To honor the story or because it’s a movie about a movie? That’s depressing in itself, but that’s how awards work.
Beasts of the Southern Wild – This movie sucked. It irritated me in so many ways. I wanted to like it but the noble savage in an ideal community of happy drunks idea did not lure me in. Magical realism smells of J.R. Ewing getting killed in a dream sequence.
Zero Dark Thirty – No, don’t care. I read/watch the news for this sort of thing.
Django Unchained – Really? The poster looked like a Harlequin novella. For a second I thought it might be about guitar music.
Les Miserables – I heard they sang live. Nice but people do that at karaoke. I was not a fan of the musical, even though I like musicals. It’s trying too hard to be sad if that’s possible. I heard no comments about excellence of acting so I skipped it. Also, Anne Hathaway is pretty even when she is trying to look all fucked up. I can never forget she’s a movie star trying real hard. At least Russell Crowe looks like he doesn’t give a shit.
Silver Linings Playbook? – Too close to a romantic comedy trying to be deep. Good luck with that.
Life of Pi ? – NO, NO, NO! This is a movie about special effects. It’s like Jonathan Livingston Seagull for Christ’s sake. Have we sunk that low?
My preference for best film which is not nominated would be Flight because of the story and the acting. It made me laugh and it made me scared, (that part isn’t too hard.) It broached the always timely topics of narcissism, dishonesty and belief in God. If you think of the lead character as The United States piloting a plane of nations it seems even better. Denzel Washington earned an Oscar in my book, but no one reads my book.
On a more positive note -I love Alan Arkin so I hope he wins. I also loved Skyfall especially Daniel Craig if he’s reading this, also the theme song. I was both shaken and stirred. Has there ever been a bad Bond song? Even Paul McCartney was able to pull off a good one. I wish Kon-Tiki had played up here in Alaska but what were the chances of that?
The idea of giving awards to people who are already very successful is genius. They need something to fight for since they have everything else. I wonder how many of them are doping? Remember the Flashdance drama where someone wasn’t credited with doing the lead’s dancing? I wonder if that was really Daniel Craig’s chest? Denzel Washington’s butt? Anne Hathaway’s lice?  I guess that’s the magic of movies. We’ll never know.


About polarflares

My head is so big because it has so many holes and air gets in.

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