I came home to some fabulous news Friday. I opened my mail and at first I threw it in the rubbish. Then I came to my senses. Why shouldn’t something great happen to me? It’s just like me to throw the best opportunity I’ve ever received into the recylcing, and I’m not talking about The Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. I thought again, opened up the bin, dug through and found my ticket to happiness in the new year.
Here’s what I’m talking about!
- I haven’t told my neighbors yet. This is Alaska, so many of them didn’t vote for Obama and there’s no need to piss off the ones who did but who may not have been invited. He probably saw my photo somewhere. I’m single and about his age. Not that I could compete with Michelle but you know these social events. They’re always looking for a few women over 50 to balance out all the single men. I did give him a hundred dollars. I thought he might remember my credit card number but never did I imagine he would figure out that my billing address was the same as my mailing address. Then again he’s a pretty clever guy.
- I immediately started creating an outfit that might work for the occasion. I can’t possibly have one made in time so I opted for putting some of my best pieces together. I figured you can’t go wrong with black and white, especially because Obama is black and white. Polka dots were a no brainer and the hat adds an Alaskan touch.
In case you’re wondering, that’s a polar bear hat. Really cute huh? I bet no one else will be wearing one. The jacket is glittery to add a more formal touch. Were I a man I might opt for the $150.00 silver cufflinks with the Inaugural logo which were offered in the enclosed brochure but you can never tell if they’ll get shipped to Alaska on time, or if the shipping costs will outweigh the price of the item itself.
Here’s a copy of the brochure.
Sorry this is so small but you’ll have to believe me that the items are of the highest quality. I’m not sure what a solid “Peter” means but I hope it’s not some crazy foreign slang like a “Johnson.”
This makes up for the fact that I was snubbed for The Royal Wedding, that my car died and that it’s freezing rain outside. District of Columbia, here I come! I hope the neighbors don’t mind taking out my recycling.