- Rides so low that I can scoop up change and cigarette butts off the road.
- Four wheel drive allows me to creep up behind other vehicles stuck on icy hills and wait for long periods of time behind them.
- Red body color blends in with rust and occasional blood from rusted metal scratching unprotected flesh.
- Grey interior good for hiding all sorts of dust, hair and pretending I’m super invisible while driving.
- Can blame all headaches, bad moods and confusion of late on being poisoned by ancient exhaust system instead of meanness of own spirit
- The only red car not likely to be targeted by police, except for them asking if I need some help because me and my car look like we’re falling apart.
- Quirky little red button on the shifter that I’ve never used because I think it might trigger a nuclear missile somewhere.
- Official car of Anchorage social workers, assistant teachers, seasonal workers, people with unpaid student loans and long-haired dogs who like to chew safety belts.
- People get out of my way because they know I don’t care if my car gets scratched.