1. All persons making a left hand turn across traffic are now required to be speaking on a cell phone unless a marked police car is present at the intersection.
2. Members of women’s sports teams must each choose an ipad to endorse : ipad regular, heavy flow, minipad or minipad with wings.
3. All Bluetooth devices must be recycled at local dental facilities and will be installed gratis in AARP members’ mouths instead of costly bridge work.
4. Any child born with two thumbs on one hand will be granted gifted status in the educational system.
5. Children who look up from their devices while talking to an adult will be put in remedial classes.
6. Flat Stanley production will be outsourced to a far off land where he can be projected back in 3-D.
7. “Winding a watch” will henceforth be a euphemism for a sexual activity yet to be determined.
8. Any person caught with a ringtone tune which is not in the top 10 itune downloads of the month will be executed.
9. Energy credits will be due all U.S. citizens who spend less than 6 hours a day on the internet. These credits can be used to procure sex.
10. Anyone who speaks while someone is enjoying a humorous video of cats will be placed in a forced labor camp retooling caustic laptop batteries for a minimum of 5 years or two presidential debates, whichever is longer.