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Dumb things tall people do

Don't assume you're a model just because you're tall!


1. Lean over a table to do something then pop up your erect head into a wagon wheel of glass globes.I did this today. Luckily I wasn’t eating.  Four glass globes  showered over me and the table. One rolled nicely onto the carpet. Some deceased bugs were released.

2. Ride in a Smart Car. Smart cars are for short people, maybe they need intellectual assistance or perhaps they want to brag. I took a short ride in one with a friend with my head bent at a 45 degree angle. You can see the road, just not the cars in front of you.

3. Set the pace for a walk. Want to make people hate you? I’ve never met a tall person who walked at a reasonable pace. My sister calls leisurely walks with me a death march.

4. Talk about how hard it is to find clothes, men, ski poles. No one cares. It may be a tiny bit easier to find a 3xxx shirt but would you rather be right or dead?

5.  Wear heels. Short women who do this are kind of dumb but at least there’s a purpose involved.

6. Eat as much as you like when you’re out with friends. People will treat you like you’re having multiple orgasms at the table. Do yourself a favor and eat a little before you go out or take some home. Some people may be jealous but the rest are disgusted.

7. Under report your weight. Don’t want to scare the dumb people who are amazed at your heft? The smart people are thinking that you have an eating disorder.  Weight, like age and height is all relative. Health is the important part.

8. Fight over leg room in a car or plane seat. The person in front of you on the plane is just as likely to lean back if you’re on the aisle or at the window. Shotgun is the best seat in the car if it’s packed but if you always get it then you’re not very flexible. Try curling up  a little everyday so you can hide in a small place when the end of the world comes. You can practice by sitting in the back seat.

9. Forget completely about the lower 3rd of your body. I’ve done this. I can’t control my knees. I have to verbally tell them to bend. They shake when I’m nervous because they know I can’t see them. I’m always spraining my ankles because I lose track of where they are.

10.  Sit at a desk all day. No one should do this but especially no one with a long back. Sometimes I get up all bent over like a lower case f.  Get yourself a standing desk like I did or a new job where you can strut around intimidating people with your height!


About polarflares

My head is so big because it has so many holes and air gets in.

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