There’s a full moon, which is weird because I remind myself the moon is always full, only sometimes you can’t see it. I’m one of those sensitive people who gets pulled by the moon and the barometer. Usually the direction is down. I found myself out in the cold trying my best to enjoy a ski but all I could think of was not good. I was cross-country skiing but it felt like downhill. At one point, I challenged myself to ski faster than the depression. That made me laugh because it’s a stupid trick. Sometimes you just have to ski with depression because trying to beat the damn thing every time makes me even sicker. I couldn’t afford to get injured as I was leaving for a training out of town. As if I could afford to get injured normally.
Turns out someone on the plane crew was seriously ill and the flight was delayed for 8 hours. This happened at departure so we lined up to get new flights. It actually was more fun than you would think. Everyone knew that someone was ill so there were no tempers, lots of joking. I had some Bernie Bott’s Beans which I shared with whomever was silly enough to try them. I made a big deal out of eating the dirt and the booger one so there weren’t many takers. I met a nice young man who works at Prudhoe Bay inspecting sprinklers, a man who spoke 7 languages, a racist, and a one month old baby who looked like snow white with long black hair.
There was one woman who kept getting a new ticket then stomping back every half hour or so to tell the airline staff that it was not accepted. Her hair would fly and her hands went to her hips but she didn’t really raise her voice. I forgot to say that the line was kind of long and a little slow so she came back three times while I was there. When she left the third time everyone waved and said see you soon!
All the night flights filled up before I got to the front so I went home and came back for the 8 hours later flight and there were only 8 of us on the whole plane. God knows what they put in the hold to make the flight profitable. We got to sit in first class with the hot towels, fat butt seats and complementary fruit & cheese plate. I thought I was less depressed but I wept copiously at Crazy, Stupid, Love. I embarrassed the flight attendant who asked me if I needed something quite innocently, ( my juice glass was empty), and I had my read crying face on. There were a couple of the Prudhoe Bay workers from last night on the flight and as we landed in Seattle, there was the sprinkler repairman who was now stuck there due to unrelated delays.
I missed most of the first day of my training but got there in time for the free happy hour at the hotel which was happy enough as all the folks from the class hung out. I left a little early as I stopped in the gym thinking I would do a little jog only to find out that my heart rate was 150 just getting on the thing. Then when I started jogging it kept telling me to reduce my speed. In other words, YOU’RE TOO TIRED TO BE DOING THIS, ARE YOU SO CLUELESS THAT YOU DON’T EVEN NOTICE? I got the message and went upstairs to watch James Bond. I did not weep at this. I was happy though that his love object was fooling him. Rejoicing at someone else’s misfortune, there’s a word for that but I can’t think of anything but depression. Can’t really sleep now because I’m on Alaska time and geared up or maybe just old.
As I get older I realize I’m becoming more like Uranium or Californium. My half life is shorter, my stability is in question. Then I remember that radioactive elements have their place on the table with the others. They can do things that oxygen and hydrogen can’t. Not to knock water. I took some photos on the flight with lots of snow, water and clouds. As combinations of hydrogen and oxygen they are stable in one way yet their appearance changes with the temperature, much like I do. Now if I could just bottle myself and sell it.