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Old people’s Christmas candy

I wouldn’t mind a box of Bernie Bott’s Every Flavored Beans for Christmas but I’ll have to get them for myself as my family comes from the Boston area and we have very traditional candies we grew up with. Most of the people who read this blog probably grew up with me but there are a few British WordPress people on the sleigh so let’s humor them with our silly sweeties.

Let us start with the beans. Boston Baked Beans. I saw some at Sam’s Club here in Anchorage the other day. I remember them coming in a small box which had painted bricks on it and a little window through which you could see the beans. At Sam’s you have to buy them by the bushel. I hope you will agree with me that that is way too much of a good thing.   The packaging is very important as  they are much more attractive and edible when packaged like this.

It’s just candy, no farting!

I don’t think you could get a kid to eat these today. I got on the website and they are really old fashioned, cold-pan processed peanuts with basically sugar, food coloring and edible wax to make them shine. That’s pretty simple and they excel in looking beanish.  Ferrarapan is however located in Chicago.  I don’t know if they suddenly appeared in Sam’s because it’s the holidays and they look so warm and cozy or if it’s a marketing ploy for baby boomers who need to buy cheap presents for other boomers who have everything. What says Happy Holidays more than a bunch of fake beans? How about a bunch of fake fruit?

A smile turned upside down for your teeth

I have some of these on my kitchen table right now, for research purposes only.  They came in a container like the ones that are used to package ground beef. There are four rows of four slices, red and green for the holidays. One red is strawberry, the other is watermelon. I threw all the watermelons out. You can go through my trash if you want them. The two greens both taste of lime but there is no lime added just citric acid and no vitamin C. Three pieces is a serving if you are putting this in a school lunch instead of something like ketchup.

One item which would be in my stocking every Christmas as a child it would be a chocolate Santa, or two or three since these were the days before Supersizing.  They would be milk chocolate as we actually thought milk was good for you.  They would be wrapped in foil which was quite animated in it’s santaness and worth saving. Usually the candy itself would vaguely resemble something male but could be mistaken for a random uncle. Note the difference in these two images.

Eat them all! There can be only one!


Dear God, Is this adult candy?

The real old people’s candy is still around and still produced in Boston.

Like candied lasagna noodles

Also found in other pasta forms such as this

Petrified potato gnocchis?

Despite the wonderful artistry I can’t imagine eating the ribbons. They remind me of eating glass. I do like some of the filled candies, the ones that are raspberryish. They are clearly marked artificially flavored  but they do come in a keep fresh cannister just in case anything which resembles the shadow of a fruit might ferment or go “bad”. I would nominate these old fashioned candies as a must for earthquake, storm and armageddon survival kits. Perfect for the trunk of an Alaskan motor vehicle.

I now have only have 4 Boston fruit slices left. One will be on the top of the rubbish waiting for you after I go to bed. 🙂


About polarflares

My head is so big because it has so many holes and air gets in.

6 responses »

  1. I’m only 36 but I LOVE the fake fruit slices. I used to eat those all the time when I was a kid. I suppose I was kind of a strange kid though.

  2. wish I would have known you were tossing fruit slices.. I just bought a box of the Boston fruit type:)



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