Cake – It’s bad form to be so thin and eat several helpings, everyone hates me, even myself
Shiny clothes- I have no real need to reflect the 1980’s in my attire despite how marvelous it feels to stand under a disco light in sequins. My soul is so shiny that wearing sequins might cause too much heat in my vicinity, burning my friends and followers.
Opalescent glitter make up– Although this can get caked in the wrinkly areas around the eyes, it’s such a nice touch on a special occasion like a job interview or court appearance. It does however conjure up images of unicorns which are not my totem animal.
Strange hats – There’s nothing like an outrageous hat to remove the possibility of people taking one seriously. Even though this means I am highly visible with my pirate, pink tie dye, or mortician headgear, I am left alone by people who have more serious things on their minds like policemen and TSA employees who are looking for seriously sneaky people .If I want more attention from them I need to tone it down.
Singing the songs playing in the supermarket – No one has ever been discovered in Carrs Huffman. It’s fun to get others to start singing and form a kick line at the checkout but their children might be humiliated.
Pomegranate juice – I had no need for this as a child. It didn’t exist, did it? Why can’t I live without it now? I’m sure it will be revealed at some point that the blood of children was involved in the making of this drink.
Men – They are so cute when they belong to someone else or are just running free off leash in the park. But they need a big yard and a truck to keep them properly and I don’t have the money or time for that.