I used to think I was a really good faker, that no one could know what an angry, crazy beast I truly was. Now I’m pretty sure I didn’t have anyone fooled. If you’re from Manchester, try to guess who I victimized in each case and anyone can suggest an appropriate amends for me. If you guess correctly or come up with an outstanding amends, I will write a post in your honor! For those of you who knew I was a twisted child, you are already winners. If you don’t know me you can rest assured I am not a nice person, just a person.
1. One time, I sabotaged the bicycle of a boy I sort of liked because he did not pay any attention to me. I took a screw out of it, hoping it would fall apart. I don’t remember if it did or not. Maybe it did when I wasn’t looking . My plan was for embarrassment not fatal injury but INAPPROPRIATE nonetheless,. Who was the boy? Any guesses?
2. Another time, before I actually took a course in stand up comedy, I decided to make a joke about another actor, a classmate in grade school, while she was onstage and I was offstage. I said she looked like ” a cow on roller skates.” It got a big laugh. That attracted Miss O’Brien’s attention and I got in trouble. I hope the girl didn’t hear what I said but I’m sure it got back to her, Who was the girl?
3. I spent a good deal of time in Jr. High obsessing about two female classmates who were much smarter and prettier than I was, hoping something bad would happen to them and they would just disappear. Within the year, they both transferred to private school. Who were they?
4. I used to walk home alone from grade school talking to myself and making absurd noises. My mother was notified by her friend, the school crossing guard, that she was concerned about my sanity. My mother thought this was the least of my (or her) problems. Who was the crossing guard?
5. In 6th grade, a girl friend and I snuck a look at the teacher’s logbook at recess time to see the results of the IQ scores. She and I were on the very top of the list. Ha, ha! Can you name my friend or the 6th grade teacher?
6. I spent much of my young life very angry at my father because I did not understand that he had many problems. I just thought he was mean, and then when he died I thought I killed him. When I was in first grade I lost it, right in the class room. A boy pulled my hair and I turned around and impaled his hand with what I am guessing was a pencil. I blacked out all the rest until I was sent home to talk to my father and boldfaced lied and said I didn’t do it. Of course as a therapist I see what I didn’t do to him, I did to a little boy instead. INAPPROPRIATE! Were you there? Do you remember the teacher’s name? Do you remember the boy’s name? I never spoke about this to anyone in school again. Thought maybe it would be a good thing to un-bury this stinker before my 35th reunion!
My bet goes is that Rick O’Brien remembers everything!