What’s late? What about people who bloom too early, like in Jr. High, or even grade school? I remember being quite bright in school, but like most late bloomers, something was off. My mother thought it was my teeth or my height. Those couldn’t touch my inner reality which was a slave to the state of my own neurons. It’s taken me years to figure out what’s the best medium in which to cultivate my biochemistry successfully. Big city? Too acid. Small town? Too base. I finally chose the cold, unstable soil of Anchorage to feed my creative roots.
Only the desperate farm in Alaska. The arts thrive here mostly as private Victory gardens. The larger public works, look like forced tulips, too bright and perfect. I like my art with a bit of rot so I can tell it’s homegrown. But even pitted plants are best fresh. It’s hard to be an old striver when all the focus is on the up and coming talent. Like the old birch tree I only appreciated when the city had to cut it down, I grieve my invisibility. A tiny crocus has a louder voice to most people who pass. Who is conscious enough to hear the absence of bark?
It takes a long time to grow a tree, and a long time to learn how to listen to it. The leaves and the twigs speak a different language than Charlie Sheen although they may feel his pain. My voice is dated. I’m not strident enough, more blunted with age. There are very few things I actually know now whereas I, like you, was so sure years ago. That doesn’t mean I don’t act like a CAPITAL idiot. I’m still human and still go off on a seasonal basis. Right now I’m finding it terribly difficult to be funny and if a plant can’t produce a flower, what good am I?
But then Charlie Sheen goes on and so does Two and a Half Men. I can’t remember the other adult actor’s name but I’ll bet he’s glad he’s still got a job. I have a job. I even went on an audition today for the part of “an old grey hair.” I used to think I was like a sunflower, someone who attracts attention with their positive energy. Now I’m happy to be a dandelion, same color scheme but more invasive and irritating. I’ve learned to minimize the solo shrieking and maximize the use of a chorus to fertilize change. Like the other guy on Two and a Half men, I’ll be around later in the season with the rest of the ensemble. I can’t be bothered with May. That’s for folks who won their kiddy beauty pageants and went to prom. I’ll invite them to my wedding in the nursing home.