I didn’t see it coming. I don’t know about you but the other day I was taking my midday walk and one of those trucks with a flipping billboard on it came down Lake Otis to announce the end of the world. It was a very nice rapture design but all I could think of is I am so out of the loop in Alaska. I firmly believe – everything I needed to know I learned on Craigslist, but some how I missed this? Shouldn’t there have been a few more yard sales last weekend? Did they talk about this at Mass? Maybe I should go back to church, but the last time I went they were telling people who to vote for in Spanish, (even I could understand that much.) Perhaps The Schwarzashagger came out as a human being this week to prepare for his final days.
I decided to eat some peppermint candy, that’s about as decadent as I could get on a Thursday night before I drive my roommate to the airport in the morning. He is going to spend the rapture with his mother in Austria which I think is an inspired choice. It was dipped in dark chocolate. I probably won’t sleep. But I think I could pull an all nighter for the rapture. I would like to see those horsemen of the apocalypse. I have seen pictures of them looking pretty frightening like they’re carrying the plague but in my imagination they look more like Jim Morrison carrying some kind of liquor. That kind of death might take longer but is God really in a big hurry?
I just finished reading the book “Final Exam” – a surgeon’s view of death. The most interesting rapture in it is when she harvests livers from people who have been kept artificially alive and then have their aortas cut just after the organ is removed. She says after so much exposure to death she started to feel invincible. I guess I will have a bit of that if I make it through a few elimination rounds of the rapture. If they have audience voting, please call in for me. I would do the same but I don’t have a cell phone.