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Things I do to make other people hate me

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Quote The New Yorker or New York Times in as many conversations as I can work it in.

Sing Peter Frampton songs at work

Take a problem someone has and make a little rhyming pop tune about it.

Interrupt people with an idea I got from an episode of Star Trek (The original series.)

Prance like a pony when I am excited.

Provide running commentary for every move I make after 3 pm because I’m so tired of prancing like a pony.

Argue about dead people I never even knew.

Avoid eye contact or scratch myself  instead of saying, ” I’m sorry I need to leave” or” You need to stop talking.”

Remind people that I grew up without much money so now I feel I have so much I don’t know what to do with it.

Stuff rolled up towels and sheets into the linen closet then close the door real fast so they don’t fall out.

Wear one side of my collar up like a preppy and the other side down like a normal person so I don’t fit in with anyone.

Use Berkeley standards of political correctness in Alaska.


About polarflares

My head is so big because it has so many holes and air gets in.

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