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Another chance to get it not quite wrong

Happy New Year! This is a strange holiday for those of us who have to take it one day at a time, and isn’t that just about everyone?

Things I am noticing already –

It does not feel warm? Where has my global warming gone? It’s 4 degrees every time I get out of my car.

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This is what it looks like when it is too cold for live people to be outdoors

Also, I am overwhelmed by new shopping choices . Why is there chocolate peppermint  drizzle popcorn? How come the sale price is $3.99 and it’s after New Year’s? Isn’t it getting both stale and soggy? Can I get a free sample?

Why is there a cauliflower  product ground up into dust then sold for more money? Can’t these people who want to lose weight just eat sand?

Don’t even look in the frozen section if you know what’s good for you.

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SURPRISE! Is there really an asterisk after the words “Hormones” and “Steroids”?

I am considering hosting my own local version of the Presidential Inauguration Ball, featuring these corn dogs. I learned  from The Guide to the 2017 Presidential Inauguration on Washington.org that

“It is cold in January in Washington, DC. Dress warmly and wear comfortable shoes.

Thousands of portable toilets are brought into National Mall and in front of Metro Stations for the event. Bring your own water and snacks or purchase some from hot dogs and pretzel stands.”

What exactly do they mean by cold, and are their dogs gluten free?

May I also add that I went for a cross country ski the other day out by Point Woronzoff. It was beautiful but the sewage treatment plant smelled like it was in overdrive. I assume the portable toliets at the inauguration will smell the same. It will make you consider going on a liquid diet and never defecating again.

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Here is the view from Point Woronzoff. I will let you imagine the smell of the fecal matter of 300,000 people after the holidays.

If you wish to attend an Inaugural ball and are in a decidedly funereal mood, the internet is ready to help.

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Yes, it’s cosplay, but found under search terms “funeral” and “ball gown”

Meanwhile, the ice fog has cleared and perhaps I shall see The Northern Lights this weekend. I wish you all a warm place to sleep and plenty of gluten free sweets in your pantry. Don’t let a little inauguration get you down. Find your own way to have a ball.

 

5 degrees and holding w/ mint chocolate

Today there is a big old man in my bedroom blasting the Grateful Dead. One would hope that I got lucky last night but the mattress, box spring and I  are out in the kitchen. The bedroom carpets are being replaced and the walls painted. ‘Tis the season for home repair discounts. I have been in this apartment for over 12 years so I’m lucky we’re getting an upgrade before they have to carry me out in a box.  Speaking of boxes, I meant to mail out a present today but I can’t find it because all my stuff and my two roommate’s stuff is mingled in a Close Encounters mound centered in the common space.

 

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The belongings of three people who do not need anything for Christmas

 

I could spend the day outside but I did that yesterday and got a bit cranky. It’s about 5 degrees, I’m being generous here. When the trees are covered in Hoarfrost, you know it’s a little damp and a lot cold so I am prepared for my ice beard. I have hair all over face which gets wet then icy. Yesterday after skating I looked like Scrooge. My pale white hair frosted over and stuck straight out at the sides. I shouldn’t complain. It’s actually good weather for sleeping and taking a walk to see Christmas lights. I know I’m in trouble when I open the door and a cloud of mist appears when the warmish house air hits the super cold outdoors air.

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The white stuff on my collar is my breath

 

Now my cranky housepainter is listening to The Rolling Stone’s Shattered. I wonder if he started painting at 20 and has been listening to the same station ever since then. I bought myself the cheapest peppermint patties I could find to cheer me up. They taste a little waxy but that way I don’t eat as many as I would the York ones.  I almost bought peppermint tea but I have 4 boxes of other teas I really should drink first. But peppermint is so delicious. It’s like winter in a cup but warmer.

Alaska Sausage and Seafood is like a winter wonderland of food. All the food is German, Swedish or Alaskan and wrapped in colorful foil, covered in powdered sugar, or filled with squishy marzipan. Of course there are also many sausages including a potato sausage  which I thought might be vegetarian but was mixed with pork squeezed into somebody’s intestine. I spent a good amount of money there because I am only doing edible gifts to most people this year. Having cleaned out my room, I was depressed with all the crap I have and how much time it takes to go through it. I have photocopies of things. No one keeps photocopies anymore. I have photos. I still have a few VHS tapes and way too many books. Salvation Army will save me if I can just get them into bags and out the door. But I must give because I love Christmas so here are some of the things I got. My roommates don’t read my blog so these are some of their presents.

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Not from Alaska Sausage, from Fred Meyers, not the seafood dept.

 

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Looks delicious, I hope they share

 

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A classy looking gift for about 10 bucks

Now I must go because it is time to bake. Then I will go downtown and buy a dreidl because I want to get the residents of the nursing home where I work to earn their gelt.

 

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Happy Hoarfrost to you, and to all a good night!

 

 

 

 

Getting behind the Wall – Alternative financing should Mexico not pay

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 Image from askideas.com ( 40 most funny Trump memes)

President elect Trump is exceedingly hopeful in his idea that Mexico will finance The Wall. I am a pessimist yet I believe that if you can’t beat them, attempt to win them over with your wit and wisdom.  Here is my list of ideas for making The Wall more fun and profitable.

  1. Offer bricks for sale that can be engraved with the name of your favorite illegal immigrant.

2.Trump Casino inside The Wall and a duty free shop featuring the Trump label a la  Paul Newman brand such as hot sauce, sweet and sour sauce, crack.

3.  Bricks on Mexican side flavored with various Agua Frescas  like Tamarindo and Horchata. Charge per lick.

4. Options available for internment in The Wall or cremation ashes to be mixed into a brick for a small fee.

5. Market mini blow up Walls for backyard barbeques and Cinco de Mayo.

6.  Giant Jenga section of The Wall as an amusement franchise.

7. License areas for International tic tac toe tournaments.

8. Build baseball fields in both The USA and Mexico which back up onto the wall with the option of extra points to be scored if the ball caught has flown over from another country.

9.  Use inside  sections for a Branch of Trump University and a for profit prison for people who have not apologized to Trump or Vice President Pence.

10. Conduct a lottery for passage into the USA based on a Hunger Games like contest.

11. Rent out the top of the wall for beauty pageants,  A Trump fun run or a Texas Rangers Drag show.

12. Rental space for Taco trucks with windows on both sides of the wall.

13.   New Branch of Wall Drug store.

14. Immigrant desert crossing reality TV show.

15.  Get artists to bid on rights to create statues to top The Wall depicting Trump, Putin, Stalin and others who like walls and dislike immigrants.

 

Tis the Season to SCREAM!!

The clocks are going forward which is SO stupid in Alaska where most of us have seasonal affective disorder. It’s going to be pitch black when the school bus comes no matter what time you call it. It’s also going to be cold and for some children, way up North, there will be polar bears waiting to eat them at their bus stops.

The only redeeming aspect of this weekend is Halloween. Most kids will go to malls or well orchestrated Halloween Townes or Trail events.  But we still have some old school ghouls with their porch lights on. One family in Mountain View has their home open as a Haunted House this weekend.  My roommate and I have put our unit on The Trick or Treat Map and are almost through decorating. Sad to say, I am almost through the first THREE POUND bag of Halloween candy as well. Here are some photos of the yard. Nothing was purchased  except the $3.50 zombie head, which I decorated myself.

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This next guest is a favorite of mine. My roommate created it and it has a seat of honor right by the door. I am using gender neutral language because even though it looks like a chicken, I don’t want to make assumptions.

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This creature reminds me of the  Malcolm McDowell film, “O Lucky Man,” which featured the following result from an advertisement for paid participants in medical research.

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A not so lucky man!

We also have other obscure guests on our porch.

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Yes, that is a rat with a rotten banana. How about a grave with ketchup?

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That is a stake, not a steak which I believe is more commonly associated with ketchup. On the subject of scary food, how about a really obnoxious orange tree?

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My roommate made an excellent sign for us since we live in The Valley of The Moon.

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We do our best with very little cash but I did buy one of those laser lights that you see on TV which make it look like there are fireflies everywhere. I consider it a great investment as it works for Christmas as well as for indoor parties. Now I will never have to hang lights again.  Hanging lights is not my forte. The ones you see on the window above were originally hung by me but I caught my roommate rehanging them so they would be more artistic. I am messy but Halloween can be messy, I hope. At least as messy as election season.

Maybe that’s why my seasonal affective disorder is so bad this year.  I’ve lived here a little too long. I need some more adventures that don’t involve being cold, wet, or  the online dating of Republicans. Perhaps I will put the zombie as my primary photo on OK Cupid. I seem to peek the interest of men in Florida. Does that mean that only really inaccessible men like me? or are people in Florida more likely to fantasize about the cold? I don’t fantasize about Florida. I dream of a state with less expensive health insurance and a few less Right wing zealots.  .

Please feel free to stop by my house this Halloween. I only get a few trick or treaters. I mostly decorate to keep my recovery strong. After all, there is no better time to be obsessed with death and doom! Except, once again, election day.

Grateful to Donald Trump

I am grateful never to have been assaulted by Mr. Trump. I am not a 10, I am not a number. I was surprised to find his campaign did not send either a picture or other identifying information for The Alaska Voter’s pamphlet. I am grateful he has forgotten since maybe that will deter a few people who might assume he is not on the ballot in our state.

The only time anyone has ever grabbed me by the crotch, I was walking in East Oakland after dark with grocery bags in each hand. A man grabbed me from behind using my crotch as a lever to rub against him. He was a special needs man and laughed at me when I cursed him.  This is who I think of when I think of Donald Trump.

I  am grateful to have made it this far in my life without a serious sexual assault. Of course there is still time. Even in nursing homes, where people don’t generally go looking for “10’s, there are assaults. That’s because  sexual assault isn’t about people being attractive. It’s about dominance and power. You could say it’s about wanting to be more like  Mr.Trump.

When I worked in mental health, I reminded people on outings that no one was going to comment on someone’s body in the YMCA locker room because everyone was trying their best to mind their own business and not attract attention to their own body. Most locker rooms are like this. I imagine Donald does not go to The YMCA very much. It’s easier to criticize other people’s bodies when you have a private pool.

Another great gift is Trump’s focus on  Making America White again.   Even the earliest migrations to America were successful due to the enslavement of people of color to build their settlements.   One can only be as rich as Trump by using other people’s labor to build an empire.  Queen Victoria, Big Cotton, Microsoft, Big Pharma,  The Holy Romans, Game of Thrones, your average workplace, they all insist that that human sacrifices must be made and those who make them will be rewarded.  Most of us spend our time trying to  be one even if it means that number two and number 200,141 resent us. Americans don’t like being average people. We want to be superstars and mavericks. I can’t imagine Trump saying that he would take a pay cut before laying off workers.  I could stand for making America mediocre but more equitable.

The Black Lives Matter Movement threatens the Trump hierarchy which puts police and the military and other corporations on top when actually these public servants are policing people who are their equals not scum. It is important to deal carefully with  those who disrupt public order. The most dangerous and despicable  deserve a trial as well as those with mental health issues. Many cultures question the death sentence but we hand these out daily on the streets of America.

Recently, it was suggested we start a neighborhood patrol or neighborhood watch for our street in Anchorage.  Burglaries are up. There have been several murders. One neighbor suggested we need people with military and police training to take part. I would say train the police to be less like the military and more like peace keepers. Let the neighborhood watch create a lively interaction between people who are looking out for each other and can help by banding together when in need.

Guns should be for getting food. I am not sure how guns figure in Donald Trumps life but they are implements of domination that I could live without. I appreciate that he is pro-gun because it makes it clearer that I need to be on the other side.

You may not agree that Donald Trump is a mirror of our inner will to dominate the world.  I think most will agree that he makes Kim Kardashian look like a potential write in candidate.  I wish you merry voting and a happy new era.

What made me want to write today

1.  Watching the panic over Hilary Clinton’s health.   Let’s admit that all of us are going to die, make mistakes, get sick.  I would rather have a president with a mental or physical illness who gets to know their limits than Trump or Putin who have no limits. Leaders are no longer descendants of the Gods. They should reflect the imperfect population they serve.  We are vulnerable, but in our leaning on others we are better on the whole than those who can not bow due to their rigidity.

2. The 9/11 tribute I just watched was a great example of this. Public Servants did not run away from their job but ran towards it. Even though their lives were in danger. They held each other. They cried. Everyday there are things in this world to cry about. We are lucky enough that there are things to laugh about as well.  When a firefighter is overcome or a fellow social worker breaks down, I don’t laugh or pity them. I may fear that I will be next but I acknowledge my imperfections and move on. I attempt compassion and believe they can recover to what extent they are able with support.

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3. Pumpkin Cookie Butter ice cream by Tillamook Farms. It has something named “Speculoos” in it.  It tastes good. They could make it anytime of year but it only comes out in fall because there’s a market for it. Its appearance underscores the inventional explosion of Oreo Cookie and Chips Ahoy flavors which are too numerous to name.  FYI, Chips Ahoy filled with brownies is a loser.  Living in a feeding frenzy for “trending” in terms of flavors and media, I want to push back, not just to the basics but to what real creativity is. Putting your own style together, making a recipe with leftovers, throwing some friends together and improvising a script that doesn’t have to be filmed in 3-D, seeing past an illness to the person behind it, and knowing when the rules have begun to break your back then coming up with acceptable alternatives.

As an actor, I enjoy breaking the fourth or fifth wall when it fits the scene. As a clown, I show my dirty laundry for laughs. As a social worker, I  let my heart bleed but keep my head on straight. As a human, I eat my roommate’s crazy flavored ice cream and cry, “O, the humanity!”

Let’s each make our own twisted way in the world today and hope that the weave spins something magical out of us.

 

Why I should never read the fashion section of The Sunday NY Times

I get ideas. I already had this idea or rather I stole it from a clown in Australia who works with the elderly. He dresses like a bellhop because a nursing home can be like a hotel and he makes it just a little more spiffy. I ordered a red jacket online that was pretty cheap but could pass as a hotel uniform. It has not arrived yet but I can show you the hat.

It’s made from a chicken pot pie box, some tape, glue, material, ribbon and a shoestring. It shows a total disregard for measurement. My roommate calls it the pot pie hat. Then I thought of Pol Pot and wondered what kind of hat he wore. 

There were no hats like this one in the Sunday paper although there was a page honoring Madame du Pompadour with some lovely pinks and shoes to die for. 

I’ll post another photo when the jacket comes in.